9 Things Tuesday, because of #9

1. This was the sky on my way to work this morning. I thought it was cool and, now that I have a camera, I can share!



2. My roleplayers are doing a “booth” at an upcoming school event, at which passers-by see various $100,000 reward posters and, if they choose, may challenge these wanted gunslingers to a shootout (using a mechanic they’ve developed that allows people not familiar with roleplaying to participate). Participants choose from a variety of characters developed by the group, and play out the duel. If they win, they earn their reward--a $100,000 bar!

3. I’m going to try to go for a run today. If the weather cooperates, I’ll do it on the roads around school. If it doesn’t, I’ll go to the gym and run on the treadmill. I’m not a fan of running on treadmills, but I realized yesterday while I was out for a very brisk walk that it’s time to start building up my stamina so I’m fully ready when spring arrives. Running is far and away the weakest of my triathlon disciplines, and I’m determined to improve on last year’s performances.

4. I’ve been working steadily to finalize this year’s list of goals, but it’s still not done. I’m annoyed by this, but I’ve decided that it’s not going to deter me from seeing it completed. Has anyone else done anything related to goals this year?

5. I missed Heroes last night. I went to bed. I was tired. I love that it’s available online, so I can watch it later this week. I wish the other shows I like to watch were, also.

6. My car has a coolant leak. It’s not a bad one, but I can’t find it, so I don’t know what it’ll cost to fix. I’m hoping it’s just a hose. Wifeness just replaced the radiator in her van, and I’d really like to avoid that fate. It costs too damn much!

7. Turnaround Day (the day teachers at my school use to clean up from intercession and set up for the spring semester) has been confiscated for professional development work. I do not mind professional development work. A lot of what we do here along that line is really valuable, but to have it come on the one day that teachers have to clean up and reset puts makes for a really hectic end-of-week. Administration is working to carve out some time for us, which at least shows they’re aware of the screw-up and are willing to set it right as best they can, but it bugs me that they didn’t think about this beforehand. They should have known better.

8. I finally got my hair cut, and I feel normal again. I really hate it when my hair gets too long!

9. While writing #8, I found out that the mother of sisters I teach lost her fight to cancer today. I’m not able to reach out to the girls, so I am going to go find someplace quiet to send some loving energy out. I hope they’re ok.

"Will someone please play with me?"

NiNi is feeling underattended to. SiSi is off playing by herself, and doesn’t want the company of her little sister. Mama is in the kitchen making French onion soup for tonight’s Community Dinner (and SuperBowl©®™ shindig). Karla is recovering from a bad night of doing battle with her illness. Papa was making pancakes for breakfast, but he’s finished now, so he’s offered to play a game with the little one to appease her feelings of isolation.

Every so often, and in no predictable manner, it comes about that my kids will tell us they don’t feel like they’re getting all of their parents’ attention. Sometimes this communication is direct (“I need some special Mama time”); sometimes it comes through in ways somewhat more irritating. While I should make it clear that the younglings in this house are far from ignored, anyone who has kids will attest to the fact that it is not the quantity, or even the quality, of attention that makes for those feelings of comfort and love that they need to be whole. It’s about the particular flavor of attention and, as mindful as we are as parents to the needs of our kids, we don’t always see it when they’re in deficit of it.

I don’t take it as a failure in our parenting, for as rarely as it occurs. Frankly, for as full as our world is, it could happen a whole lot more if we weren’t aware of it. With all the revolving domestica, working with Karla, full-time employment and the other commitments we take on, it’s easy to see how a little girl might question from time to time whether we can slow down enough to focus just on her. One of the reasons we promote independence and collaboration in our children is that it gives them a lot of outlets for play and attention, but it also helps them develop the confidence to say “I can ask for some one-on-one time,” when they need it. It solves a host of problems. Of course, it doesn’t work on its own. Wifeness and I need to be constantly mindful to make time for our kids (all of them) so they know and see by our actions that they are important and uniquely special to us.

Moments like these remind me that nurturing family is a complicated juggling act, and doing it takes an unwavering commitment to engage in the process. Children should not raise themselves and parents must learn to accept that, however independent they may seem or however much they may protest, their kids still need them to take a direct, active, supportive role in their lives. In my work with DSS, I see a vast number of children who have been victimized by parents who have not made this commitment. I see it as an important part of our work with the school we’re developing to address this problem.

Saturday Inbox

JRH: Isn't the feeling of running farther than you've ever run before neat?

A lot of people look at me like I’m nuts for saying it, but I feel totally empowered when I stretch the bounds of my physical self. In the past couple of years, I’ve ridden 400 miles on a bike, done an Olympic distance triathlon and run more than 10k for the first time ever. Suffering through the pain (and let’s be clear, there is pain), the doubt and the other demons that are part of testing yourself in any endeavor, you appreciate all the more the moment that you see the finish, knowing that you’re going to make it. It’s awesome!

Chili: The security of knowing that I can open a cabinet (or the fridge or the armrest) and find what I need is comforting to me, and maintaining this order is one of the challenges of living in a family.

OMG! It drives me nuts that our house is in a constant state of fluctuation. I recognize that it is the way of things in a house in New England that has one more person than it’s designed for (a teenager, no less), two elementary school age children and copious visitors nearly every weekend, but I have to say that there are times when I would just like the mudroom to stay organized, or to not have to take every last bit of plastic out of the tupperware drawer to find the lid for the one container that I need.

Kizz: I celebrated [Chinese New Year] (a little late) last night by ordering WAY too much Chinese food and re-watching the Inauguration.

I watched it once, then listened to Obama’s speech a second time because my girls wanted to hear it. I thought it was a good speech, but not earth shaking, which was ok given the circumstances of his appointment. I think he understood that this was not the time for the rah-rah speech, but the “we’re in a hole and we have some work to do” speech. That’s certainly my assessment of our situation.

Chili: I have no book suggestions. Sorry...

Really?? You were the one person I was counting on! Damn it! Now I’m going to have to do my own homework...

The following internal dialog occurred early this morning…

Beep, beep, beep, bee… fumble, fumble, click.

“OK. It’s 5:30. Time to get up.”

Sticks head out. “Christ on a cracker it’s cold outside these covers! And it’s still dark. I could just stay here, where it’s warm. I went to the gym yesterday, after all.”

“No, you need to get up. If you don’t, you’re going to be annoyed all day that you didn’t get to the pool when you should have.”

“I think I’m ok with that. I just don’t want to get up.”

“You know you’ll feel better once you’re up. Just push the covers off.”

“Hell, no! OK. Just give me 5 minutes to psyche myself up.”

“It’s actually been 10 minutes already.”

“No way!” looks at clock “Aw, crap! How do you know that stuff?”

“I’m good that way. Now get a move on or you’re going to be fighting all the old people for space in the pool.”

“Ugh. Fine! OK. Here we go! One. Two. Two and a half…”

“Stop dicking around!”

Whimpers. “All right, all right! I’m up. See? The covers are off and I’m freezing my balls off!”

“Good, now find your clothes. Do you remember where you put them?”

“I remembered to put them at the end of the bed. Aren’t I smart? Here they are. Ohhhh, they’re cold! Why couldn’t the cat lay on these instead of my feet?”

“Oh, quit complaining and get dressed. Is all your stuff in your bag?”

“Yes, I packed it last night. I just need to grab it.”

“Well, let’s go! If you move with purpose, you’ll make it to the pool in time to get your full 8/10 mile in before you have to get back to help get the kids ready for school.”

“I’m moving, already!”

Puts shoes on. Grabs bag. Dons coat, scarf and gloves.

“It’s going to be really cold out there.”

“And your point is…?”

“My point is that I’d rather be drinking coffee right now.”

“Well, you’re up and dressed now. You may as well just go. You’ll feel good once you’ve made it there.”

“I know. You’re right.” Opens door and steps out into the early morning.

What to read next?

I’m going to finish my book soon (I listen to them in the car during my 90 minutes I’m in the car each day), and I need a replacement. I think I’m in the mood for something that fits one of the following:

a) it’s inspiring to me
b) it is riveting and engaging (I always love a good mystery or adventure novel)
c) it fits the work we’re doing with the Community School
d) it will help inform my work with foster children.

Any suggestions?

Oh, and I don't know if the picture does it justice, but yesterday's dinner of crab cakes and savory grits was really good! There was just a little bit of a kick in the crab cakes that waited a bit to make itself known, but it complemented the silky, creamy grits quite nicely, I thought. I mention it here because this meal was a complete experiment, and I had no idea how it would turn out. Sometimes, it pays to trust your creative muse!

10 Things Wednesday (because it’s a snow day)

1. I hate having to make up snow days that come during our school’s intercession. It’s like trading a vacation day for a work day, and it’s wholly unjust.

2. My intercession group is roleplaying in the Old West. They’ve been exploring the frontier and what life was like post-Civil War until about 1890. They’ve learned a little about what drove people to settle the prairie and the heretofore savage and untamed frontier, and the conflicts that inevitably arose as a result of this expansion. Of course, they’re also killing zombies (it just wouldn’t be roleplaying without zombies), but I love that they decided to put their game into the “real world”.

3. The snowblower is up and running just in time to use it today. We’re expecting 8”- 12” of snow and sleet over the course of the day, and I would not relish having to shovel it all by hand. It will challenging enough just to handle the snowblower: There’s still a great deal of ice on the driveway, which makes it treacherous to walk around on.

4. I replaced the monitor on my laptop yesterday. It started flickering and losing its contrast about a month ago, and the problem just kept getting worse. It figures that it would die only months after the warranty ran out. It wasn’t a big deal, though. I could by a replacement on eBay for about $125 (including shipping), and the installation was a relative breeze. That’s one of the reasons I will continue to by from Dell®. Their stuff is built with an eye toward easy repair. I can look now forward to being able to use my laptop for a long time to come, which is good because there’s no way I can afford to buy a new one.

5. Now that I have a fully functional laptop, I can go upstairs tonight to ride my bike. My road bike is hooked up to a trainer, and I set my computer up in front of it so I can watch movies and stuff while I ride. It’s the only way to make a 45-minute stationary bike ride tolerable.

6. The house pipes are leaking from, like, everywhere, and it’s bugging the hell out of me. One of the supply pipes to the radiators needs to have a whole section replaced (that’s work I can’t do myself), but there’s stuff I need to do to prep the work for the plumber that I’m not looking forward to doing. Then there’s the sink drain that is leaking in the basement. I can do this work, but it’ll take all damn day, and I’ll be working with my hands over my head the entire time. The kitchen shutoff valves need to be replaced, too, and that’s another day of work and headaches. It’s giving me a headache thinking about all this plumbing, which is in addition to the other work that needs to be done to the house. Sigh. Home ownership can be a pain.

7. I’m meditating today on the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear (from Frank Herbert's Dune novels). I first read these books when I was 12, and these words really resonated with me. They came back to me recently when I was thinking about how to talk to someone I know who is wrestling with her own inner demons. I have no idea if Herbert, himself, wrote these words, or if they are adapted from something else, but they offer good advice about how to face and overcome one’s fears:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

8. I’m making crab cakes for dinner tonight, accompanied by creamy savory grits. I make crab cakes occasionally, but I’ve never done the grits before. I’m excited to see how it comes out!

9. I owe newsy emails to several people. That’s another of the things that didn’t get done over the last two weeks. Perhaps the kids will leave me alone long enough today to get some written…

10. Speaking of kids, they’re going stir crazy. They’re just not used to being home all day. I’m going to give them a snack in a sec and send them outside to play. They need it. *I* need it.

Happy snow day!

During the time I was away…

I have been neglectful of a great many things. Excuses notwithstanding, these are important things and I am feeling ashamed that I did not honor them in the way I should have. To those concerned, I offer my humblest apologies. I hope you will accept this belated, but no less heartfelt, recognition and the fullest measure of blessing that rightfully accompanies the moment.

1. Chili’s birthday: You are a source of strength and inspiration to an ever-growing circle of people. I admire your activism and the forthright way in which you approach the world and your relationships. I am so very grateful that you made the choice to be part of my life, and it is my hope that I honor well all of the facets of our unique and special connection. May you be blessed, as I am with you, by all those who enter your world.

2. Kizz’ birthday: Kizz had a challenging year last year (anyone who has 108 things on her list of New Year’s resolutions, by definition, has a challenging year ahead of them). I am coming to know her as a remarkable person who, whatever the trials, will find ways to keep moving forward. In the spirit of the coming year’s energy, I wish for her that all her efforts will be rewarded, and that her circle of friends (myself included, for my part), will be there for her whenever and however she needs them.

3. JRH’s marathon run: To run a marathon is an awesome achievement. In such challenges, one is forced to look into oneself and come to grips with the fact that, although we are imperfect, we are capable of amazing things if we would but have the strength, bravery and determination to choose to do them. It is a test of body, mind and spirit to prepare for an endurance race, and to undergo that ordeal for the benefit of someone else makes that endeavor all the more worthy of honor. It demonstrates a kind of compassion and service that all of us should take note of, so that we may recognize its value and emulate it. I don’t know how the run itself went, Julie (I hope you kicked its ass!). However you crossed the finish, I’m certain that it was a great and generous act to even have shown up at the starting line.

4. Bessie’s new job: I’ve written about this before, but I want to make mention of Bessie again because she is modeling exactly the kind of purpose-driven life I wish for everyone. A couple of years ago, Bessie decided that it was time to realize her dream of “right livelihood”. She sucked it up, took on the debt (monetary, karmic and other) so she could go to school to get licensed as a hairdresser, she stayed the course through some very trying and difficult times and got the piece of paper and the training she needed to pursue her dream. She put herself out there, nervous about her skills, but not willing to settle for a job that would not make her happy in the long haul. She worked long hours, put up with less for her and her daughter, sweated bills for a long time, but is now about to finally start a new and exciting job--as a hairdresser. She’s not home free just yet; she’s still got a second job and her client base will take a good while to build up, but she understands that these things are just another part of the path to walk, and they will not last forever. I’m very proud of her, and I’m honored that she is part of our chosen family.

5. The National Day of Service: As it happened, I was really sick on that day so I would have found it difficult to get out and do something, but the truth is that I didn’t have any plans to participate in this event. I didn’t learn about it until the last minute, but I wouldn’t accept that as an excuse from anyone else, so I won’t offer it as one now. Service is number one on the list of Shen Kung principles, and one I very much value, and I feel like I failed to take advantage of an important opportunity here. The President asked people to make “an ongoing commitment to our communities”, and I am determined to do just that. I don’t have a specific thing in place yet, but I’ll include it as part of this year’s goals. Does anyone have any ideas?

6. The Adventuring Campaign: The players are at death’s door, and the story is reaching epic, cliffhanger-like tension. Will they live or die? What about the friends they’ve been searching so long for? Will evil overcome them? They’re being incredibly patient with me as I work out the details of this very complex, complicated part of the adventure so it can be written well, and with a minimum of tedious involvement on their part. I have made some progress on this, but it has been slow and I’ve not been able to devote as much time to this as I’d hoped during the last couple of weeks. I must continue to beg your patience, Heroes. I’ll post things as soon as I have them. I hope the wait will be worth it.

7. The Community School: I took time away from this work to prepare for my speaking gig in Charlotte back in November, but I’ve not picked up the yoke again and it needs to be done. We’re so close to being able to move to the next stage of development, but it cannot happen until I finish the couple of projects I’ve started. I simply need to commit the time, energy and attention to this work. It’s on me, and there’s no avoiding that fact.

8. (this last one is mine alone) Training and Diet: I have not completely abandoned my endurance training, but it has proven to be a real challenge to do anything but hold my own, and I’m slowly losing the fight to keep my weight where it was at the end of the summer. The winter is about halfway over, and I am goddamned determined to regain some ground by the time the season’s change. I do NOT want to be giggling when I run my triathlons this year. Kizz posted a picture on her blog [HERE], and I am using it as a sort of mantra to remind me of where I want to be. No, of course I won’t look like that really! I have a lot more hair.

Gung hay fat choy!

Yesterday was Chinese New Year. We celebrate Chinese New Year at Wayfarer House as an honor to the traditions of Shaolin which Wifeness and I have studied for several years, and as another way celebrate the blessings and importance of family. It’s also a great excuse to have a feast!

Our celebration employs some of the same traditions you might see in a larger, more elaborate event, but, in true Wayfarer House fashion, we’ve adapted them (we hope without losing any of the symbolism) to give them a certain “unique local flavor”.

The Chinese New Year is celebrated as the symbol of spring's impending arrival, but it is also a time of family reunion. Family members traditionally gather at each other's homes for visits and shared meals, and there is often a feast on New Year's Eve. The last several years, both halves of Wayfarer House have come together, and the feast begins with copious amounts of Chinese food. All the foods we love are there, and there are never a lot of leftovers.

After the food has been cleared away and fortune cookies have been read (including the obligatory interpretation which includes adding the phrase “in bed” to each one [who came up with that, anyway?]), we adjourn to the living room for a lion dance. In Chinese mythology, the lion is regarded as a guardian creature. A lion dance is often performed at New Year’s as a ceremony to exorcise evil spirits and to summon luck and fortune.

Wayfarer House has its own lion. He is a southern lion, and most closely resembles a Zhao Yun** lion (which has a green tail with white beard and fur and an iron horn), although his face is red, which symbolizes loyalty, righteousness and bravery. Even though our lion came to us by complete whimsy, there’s a certain symbolism in his identity that really fits our home.

Normally, when a dancing lion enters a village or township, it is supposed to pay its respects first at the local temple, then to the ancestors at the ancestral hall, and finally through the streets to bring happiness to all the people. At Wayfarer House, the lion comes out to traditional dance music and pays its respects to the adults, then goes to look for the lettuce that has been tied above the door along with several red envelopes. The lion approaches the lettuce with cat-like curiosity, eventually eating it, spitting out the leaves but not the envelopes. The lion then dances around, visiting the children in turn, bringing good luck and fortune to them in the form of one of the envelopes (which contain a small amount of money). It’s a pale imitation of a real lion dance, but it’s fun and the kids really like seeing Wifeness dance around with our little lion. The money’s a hit, too.

This coming year is the Year of the Ox. The ox is characterized in Chinese mythology as being tolerant, stable and perservering. Oxen are resolute and fearless when deciding to accomplish a task, and they will work hard and without complaint because they know that they will succeed through sustained effort. This year, then, is symbolized as being a good one for recognizing that prosperity comes from hard work. Any efforts that are approached systematically and with patience will see success. Oxen are not known for being truly imaginative, and this year is not expected to be one where risky, adventurous and exciting endeavors will see good results. That doesn’t mean that one can’t think outside the box or pursue one’s ambitions, but the sense of the year is that any undertakings this year will undoubtedly require rolling up sleeves and getting dirty through good, honest labor. Strong codes and ethics will be important to getting through the year in good form. So, also, will it be prudent to avoid working too much, too hard, or getting stressed, angry or emotional about things.

I am still in the process of putting together my list of goals for this year, but I’m definitely feeling mindful of what the year will hold. There are several things I know I need to do that will need the kind of focused, dedicated work that seems to be a hallmark of this year’s energy. Perhaps this is the year these things get done.


** A Zhao Yun lion is called the Heroic Lion because it is said that Zhao Yun rode through Cao Cao’s million man army to rescue Liu Bei’s infant at the battle of Changban, then fought his way back out again. Chinese history is nothing if not replete with romantic imagery.

Addendum to 1-10-09 #4

A couple of posts ago I said that Caleb and Maeve gave us something wonderful for our anniversary. I wanted to get a picture of it to share with you.




Wonderfully thoughtful! It will go in a place of honor by the front door soon. Today, though, there are other, more pressing things to deal with (i.e. starting the snowblower, groceries and a kidbirthday to help with). Life goes on.

Long story short...

Diarrhea, grading, vomit, 6 brands of virus, moving snow, Avenue Q, narratives, intercession prep, recovery sleep, computer illness, home repair, fallout from narratives and this:


Sorry I’ve been away.

In a Holding Pattern

Caleb and Maeve are at a memorial service for someone they know, and we are watching the kids for a bit. This is perfectly fine, but it means that most of the things on my list will have to wait. That's the theme today, it seems. Through no one's fault, this weekend will be a lesson in "good things come to those who wait". Observe:

1. The kitchen faucet needs to be fixed. Actually, the valve for the hot water needs to be replaced. None of the local stores carry the part, so it must be ordered. The manufacturer has a toll free line, but they're closed on the weekend. The dripping will continue.

2. We're all going to the YMCA after Caleb gets back. This is a good thing because I won't get a run in otherwise, but it pushes other things back, like my run to the grocery store, a shower (which I may just take at the Y), laundry and grading.

3. There's snow coming tomorrow--some 6"-10". There was some discussion about Karla going down to a woodworking show in Springfield, but it's not practical to go if there's a storm. I don't know if she'll be able to go later or not, so this may be an example of "good things come to those who go early", which is not the same as "good things come to those who wait", but I'm including it here anyway.

4. It's really cold outside. We got a wonderful gift from Caleb and Maeve for our anniversary, and I really want to put it up, but I'd like to wait until it's warmer. My hands don't work so well in the really cold. Hopefully, we'll get some relief in a couple of days.

5. The cold is also preventing me from properly clearing off the remnants of the last snow storm because all the stuff on the driveway has compacted and frozen such that I can neither shovel nor push it away. It's annoying and a little unsafe, but there's not anything to do about it until we get a day above freezing to soften it a little bit.

6. I took the briefest of looks at the distances, routes and logistics for a bike trip to Nova Scotia (which is in the works for some time this year). It's a bit longer than I thought (700 miles vs. the 600 miles I thought), and the cost of the trip may work out to a lot more than my initial estimate. I'd hate to put this trip off, but if it can't work logistically or financially then it's not worth pushing.

I guess that's all. Does your weekend have a theme?

In which I write two paragraphs and two sentences, but not in that order.

I wasn’t expecting yesterday to kick me in my butt the way it did, but there you go.

I got home from school, which wasn’t especially taxing (school, I mean—the drive home was stupid because everyone was trying not to slide off into the ditch or signs or each other). Supper was already on the table, so all I had to do was clean up (which would have been easier if the dishwasher had actually held all the dishes, but then Wifeness came home and did the ones that didn’t fit in, and that was really nice). Once the kids went to bed, I pushed myself to go upstairs and lift weights for 30 minutes (which might have been longer except that I intended to go to the pool the next morning, and it’s a lot harder to swim far when your arms hurt because you’ve lifted a lot the evening before). I even knew I was going to stay home today because I had grades and recommendations to do (which I knew I would not get done at school because everyone would be coming up to me to ask what their grades were and where their recommendations were, and that’s really counterproductive), but that didn’t lessen the fact that, when I finally laid down, I felt very, very tired.

I’m chalking it up to the chai.

I got up this morning right on time and went to the pool. I swam well and quickly, and got back to the house just as Wifeness was getting into the shower. My wife has stuff on her mind. I can tell this because she says certain things that I have come to recognize as indicators of her mental state. For instance, she tells me X, and then tells X to me again, and then asks me just a little while later if she’s told me X yet. Also, she talks a lot about planning and scheduling and she reminds me that we need to do more of it. Also, she thinks she’s said a thing to a child when, in fact, she didn’t quite say that. I know this because I was listening. Also, she talks about taking time to rest and do nothing a lot. I don’t really know what’s on her mind because we don’t spend a lot of time together in the evenings. It’s not as easy to spend time together in the evenings when one of us is sleeping on the couch and the other is in the bedroom with the teenager. It’s also not as easy to spend time together in the evenings when we are both tired and just need to go to bed. I’ve committed to go upstairs and engage in world conquest with Caleb (we play Axis and Allies once a week), but perhaps we can make some arrangement that allows for Wifeness and I to have some time tomorrow to just chill and connect. Perhaps Karla would be willing to do something creative with the girls?

The right drink for the job...

It was a raw, wet, sleety day at Wayfarer House today. I soaked through the first raincoat shoveling and snowblowing the driveway. I soaked through the second one walking to the gym and the coop afterward. By the time I got back indoors for good, some 4 hours later, I was chilled right to the core. I curled up under blankets for a short nap, but didn’t wake up feeling any warmer, so I decided to take a shower. There’s nothing like a nice, hot, steamy shower to take the frost off one’s bones. Even after this, though, I still felt like I was all stiff and icy inside.

I hate being cold like that, and now I’m starting to get annoyed. I need to warm up, dammit! I make some tea, in the hopes that hot water on the inside will do what hot water on the outside could not. As many of you know, I’m much more at home with coffee, but the bean is dangerous when I’m fighting a chill. Coffee weakens my immune system a little, and would make things worse if I have a chill--especially when half the house is sick already. I’ve gone 3 years without getting sick, and I’m not about to blow it now! I decide on green tea because green tea has caffeine and, while it’s not the comfort variety of the stimulant I like best, it often does a good job of putting some buzz into my system.

Not so this time.

Now I’m starting to think something’s seriously wrong, and I might be getting sick after all. And I am STILL FUCKING COLD! I’m also starting to think about what else I might try.

While I was at the coop, I took a minute to sit indoors. There happened to be a natural foods magazine at the table I occupied, and one of the articles in it talked about essential winter foods and herbs. I didn’t read it real closely, but I recalleded the idea that cayenne pepper was good to have around because it generated internal heat. So, I went online to find a recipe for some drink that used cayenne pepper. It should be noted that I could very well have asked my wife about this (she knows her stuff in this area), but she’s been fighting a headache all day and I didn’t want to put this seemingly petty thing on her plate. A headache is more than enough to deal with when you’re sick already.

I did a search for warm drinks that include cayenne pepper, and I see a whole assortment of herbal remedies, most of which are entirely unappetizing and require other ingredients I know we don’t have. Then I see it. Chai. Of course! Chai has cayenne pepper in it, and cinnamon and ginseng and lots of other warm and cozy things, too! And we have chai! Three different kinds of it, in fact. I pick one and boil the water. I add some milk and honey (because who the hell drinks chai without milk and honey)? It’s not my favorite drink, but this time it really hits the spot. Ahhh!

At last! I’m finally warm! It only took 4 hours, 40 gallons and two six ounce cups of water and two teabags to get there.

10 Things Tuesday: A Curious Incident of Introspection

Let me state first that this post is not intended as humor. It is serious introspection, and should be read with that intent. Thank you for keeping that in mind.

I’m reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time (Haddon, 2003), and it’s got me thinking about human behavior and how we all, to some degree, possess behaviors that someone with Asperger’s Syndrome, like Christopher (the protagonist), might exhibit, albeit to a lesser or more manageable degree. When we notice that someone avoids eye contact or is easily preoccupied with drawing house designs or takes a sarcastic comment literally, we call it an idiosyncrasy or a quirk. Such traits mark us as unique, especially once we’re adults and, as long as they don’t get in the way of our ability to interact socially, no one makes a big deal of them. We may even joke about them. People with Asperger’s Syndrome, like Christopher, often appear as compulsive or antisocial because their behaviors are so severe (and because they are accompanied by many other behaviors that, when all manifest together, mean that person has a very difficult time interacting with others).

We often don’t know how to talk to such people and, when they react in ways we don’t understand or accept as normal we often get frustrated and scared and, when someone makes us feel that way, we lose our ability to treat them as people. We objectify themand separate ourselves from them. We may even laugh or insult or demean them. I find it strange that we would do that, especially when it seems like most of us do many of the same things they do.

This thought led me to do a 10 Things post about the kinds of behavioral eccentricities I exhibit. I tried to think about things that would help me to understand how Christopher, a 15-year old boy with Asperger’s, might see the world. I don’t know if it does those with Asperger’s Syndrome an injustice to compare my own idiosyncrasies to their symptoms--and please don’t chew me out for doing so; it’s not my intention to minimize the condition. It’s just that I want to explore (out loud, if you will) a connection that I hope will help me to understand someone else’s experience.

1. In the book, Christopher does not like to be touched. When someone tries to touch or grab him, he screams or hits. I enjoy physical contact, but I have noticed that, when it is unexpected, my first instinct is not to embrace it, but to repel it, even if it’s from someone I know and love. That instinct is quickly overridden by learned response (something Christopher would have a very difficult time with), but I have wondered why I am that way for a very long time.

2. Christopher likes creating time schedules because it makes him scared when he doesn’t know what is going to happen when. I operate perfectly well without writing down a schedule, but I’ve noticed that there is rarely a time when I do not have a clear idea in my head about what I want to do and when. In fact, one of the great frustrations I experience in life is when that plan gets disrupted, especially if it is because of other people’s stuff. I do not have to abide by a time clock the way Christopher does, but I very much like to abide by an order of events. My nap, for example, doesn’t need to happen at 1pm, but it definitely has to happen after lunch.

3. Christopher dislikes the colors yellow and brown, and will not eat foods of either color. It is not explained in the book why this is the case, only that it is so. I have problems eating foods of a particular shade of green, in particular avocados, kiwi and limes. I can eat foods that contain them (I love guacamole!), but I don’t like to see foods prepared with them. This is different that the severe aversions I have to watermelon and root beer. Either of these foods will make me instantly ill to smell or taste. I can tell you exactly where these aversions come from (and they are the only ones I have), but they are deeply rooted.

4. Christopher likes the color red, and is superstitious about when he sees lots of red things because it means he’s going to have a good day. I have no superstitions related to color, but I do have colors I derive a certain amount of positive energy from. There’s a purplish wine color that I’m sure I see as a completely different from the rest of the world, that gives me great comfort to wear, especially in winter.

5. Christopher gets overwhelmed by busy places like train stations because there is so much sensory information that he can’t absorb it all comfortably. I get overwhelmed by dance parties for much the same reason. There is music to pay attention to, conversations occurring all over the place and dancing, which I have to focus on to do at all passably. I like to do all those things, but not at the same time because I can’t absorb them individually.

6. When Christopher gets overwhelmed, he likes to retreat to small, tight places like closets. I want my world to be physically small like that, as well, when I’m feeling besieged by life. I often feel that way when the house reaches a state of organizational chaos that I can’t keep up with.

7. Christopher makes his decisions in a stolidly logical manner. He won’t act unless it makes sense to him, according to the set of objective rules that orders his universe. I find that I have two decision making modes. The first is impulsive, when I rely on intuition and instinct (hopefully borne of practice) because there isn’t time to think, or because thinking clouds things up. This is often the mode I use for creative endeavor, but it’s also what’s called upon in “emergency mode”. This is a kind of mode Christopher does not truly possess. The other is rational, and is based on the rules that order my universe, which are more esoteric than Christopher’s. I know, for example, that if I see a word in a book that I don’t know, if I don’t look it up I will see it again and again until I do look it up, and then I won’t see it again for a long time. So, I look words up immediately.

8. Christopher does not pick up on the subtleties of interpersonal communication. People have to tell him things straight out. I’ve noticed that, for all that I am very good at reading people by listening to them and watching them, I pay far more attention to the particulars of their speech (tone, accent, word usage) than I do anything else. It’s one of the most frustrating things about dealing with indirect communicators. I can tell that someone is annoyed when they’re talking to me, but not if they don’t say anything.

9. Christopher will not lie. He is not compelled to tell the entire truth, but he will not say something that he knows is false. He says that it’s too hard on his brain. I’ve lied in my life, but I dislike doing it for the same reason. It’s just too hard to remember what you’ve lied about. This is different than bluffing. Bluffing is not lying. It’s taking a position and defending it.

10. Christopher comes across as completely lacking in empathy. I think I do, as well, but it’s not because I am. I believe it has more to do with how people see my rather extreme emotional detachment. It’s late, and this thought is a complicated one to explain, but it comes down to the thought that I don’t readily identify with other people’s emotions. That someone is sad doesn’t make me feel sad. That someone is happy doesn’t make me feel happy. One of the reasons I thought this was a healthy exercise was that it would take me away from the instinctive emotional response I thought I’d feel, so I could look at myself in a detached way. I’m easier to see that way, I guess.

To one student, in particular...

I am a compassionate guy, really. For all that I may appear to be an unfeeling, uncaring hardass, I’m really quite the opposite, and I’ll move heaven and earth to help you if you ask (and often even when you don’t ask).

Here’s the thing, though. If you ask me for help, show some respect for the fact that I’m doing what you asked. It’s not playing fair if you give me attitude when I remind you--at your request--that you need to meet with me about your work (which, it should be noted, you need to complete in order to earn credit in my class).

I’m all about the recognition of responsibility, and the pursuit of Rule #4 of the universe:

RULE #4: DO THE BEST YOU CAN

Please note that what this rule actually says, and that I said the word “pursuit” above. I do not expect you to be invincible. I do, however, expect that you will do what you can, to the degree you can, and to treat that as an important part of your job in the world. I will encourage you to see all that you are capable of because I’m good at knowing what you’re best is. That’s one of my gifts as an educator. I understand that doing your best is hard work, and that sometimes you don’t achieve perfection. To me, the demonstration of effort is the important thing. If I don’t see that, I will not believe that you’re doing your job.

If you need help in doing your best, say so. I’ll work hard to figure out when you need it, but ultimately I’m not responsible for determining whether you do or not. That’s on you. I am not your parent, and will not impose dicta. YOU must choose to come to ME.

If my teaching is to be of any benefit to you, you have to treat growth as serious work. This does not mean that you should eschew fun or leisure. Both are important components of Stress and Recovery, the principle that athletes use to achieve excellence in their sports (and that I try to use in my own endeavors). It does not mean that you need to do things as I would do them. You are the best judge of how you operate and, although it is also important work to stretch what you know about yourself, you are certainly able to make considered decisions about what you are capable of simply by looking into yourself, beyond your fears, your desires and the unknown, and trusting the truth of what you see, imperfect as it will undoubtedly seem.

Everyone is entitled to check out for a while, and to disengage from things. I said for "a while". You know when you're ready to get back to it, and when you are, be responsible enough to get actually get up off your ass. If you’re truly not up to the tasks presented or required of you, fine, but if you’re being depended on to fulfill a role, you have an obligation to those relying on you to communicate what’s going on. It’s also not fair to leave people wondering what the hell is going on and, if they ask, it’s really inconsiderate simply to hide your head in the sand and ignore them. When you do that to me, I won’t desert you, but I damn sure won’t defend your behavior to anyone.

I hope this clears things up. It’s important you understand where I’m coming from, and why I called you on your behavior like I did.

Poor Sweet Baby!

My darling Wifeness has been sick for more than a week. The French call it “un rhume”. The Spanish say she’s “resfriada”. She’s got a cold, and it’s persistent. She’s not sure it’s reached the point of infection, but it’s certainly not your garden variety cold bug because it’s not going away. It just keeps moving around. I feel for her. Please send her some “poor sweet baby” love. That’s what my mother used to say if you were feeling under the weather. She’d say it with that kind of “Aww!” voice that is the hallmark of mothers everywhere. Then she’d put her (freezing cold) hand down your shirt to check to see if you were feverish. I don’t know how she could ever tell if you were feverish when her hand was only 52ºF/11ºC.

This got me thinking about how, before I had my gallbladder surgery, I used to get sick every year at least twice. Usually it was at the change of seasons: Once in November when the weather turned cold, once again in April when it turned warm again. Sometimes, these events would turn infectious and I’d have to go see the doctor for some help. Always, these events kicked my arse. I am not a good sick person.

After my surgery, I was surprised to notice that I didn’t get colds when everyone else did. There were times when I felt like I might be coming down with something, but I’d back off the coffee, pump vitamin C into me and do all the other things I used to do to prepare for the onslaught of illness, but nothing would ever come. It’s been 3 years, and I’ve not had anything like a cold. I’m knocking on wood as I say this, and I don’t mean to sound overconfident. It’s just that I’m surprised by it. It makes me wonder just how long my gallbladder was causing problems before it got noticed. I’m glad it’s gone.

With Wifeness down for the count, plans for the day have changed. I’ll have to run out to the store to get supplies so we have stuff for lunches tomorrow. The kids can help me clean house. Maybe we’ll go (or I’ll send them) outside for a while. It’s a beautiful day, if you can handle the fact it’s only just at freezing. The faucet in the kitchen will have to drip for at least one more day. So, too, will the fixes to the links on this blog (I just realized that they don’t actually work). There will be leftovers for dinner tonight (which is ok because there are a LOT of them from New Year’s Eve). I was going to try to hit the gym today, but I may have to settle for riding on the trainer tonight, after everyone’s in bed.

Finally, a link to pass along. Yondalla, over at Thoughts from a Foster Family posted this link: [CLICK HERE]. I’m passing it along because it’s a great look into Reactive Attachment Disorder from the eyes of a child who is working to overcome it. I’ll work on a post about this condition for later, but I’d like to encourage everyone, whether you have any connection to foster care or not, to learn about it and connect what you discover to J’s experience. J’s mom, Lisa, has a blog as well, called Life in the Grateful House.

Back to a normal Saturday evening

It’s 7:00pm. I’m sitting in the comfy stuffed chair in the living room. The Cardinals are beating the Falcons in the 4th quarter, but I’m not really watching the game.

Nieve has brushed her teeth and donned jammies--complete with leopard print fuzzy slippers. She is on the floor, engaged in some sort of internal fantasy involving Crabbe and Goyle, from the Harry Potter books. She’s not watching the game either.

I can hear Prairie Home Companion playing from the radio in the kitchen. That’s where SiSi and Wifeness are, sealing up the snow globe that SiSi started yesterday morning. She made it using directions from a book she got for Xmas.

Karla is in the bedroom doing something with gold thread. I’m hoping none of it ends up in the bed itself (although it doesn’t really matter, I guess, since I’m not sleeping in it currently).

The tree is all lit up, enjoying its last few days as the centerpiece of the house. The lights and ornaments will need to come down soon, so we can put the holiday bins back in the attic. I expect we’ll wait until sometime during the week to deal with this chore. No one, including me, feels like putting the effort out.

Once the girls go to bed, I need to go upstairs and work out. I have a weight set up in my (unheated) office in the attic, and my bike set up on its trainer. Tonight, I’ll just do the weights. I am not looking forward to this, but I’ll do it because I haven’t done anything physical since vacation started until yesterday’s 1k swim at the pool. It’s time to get back to the daily routine. I want to be ahead of the game when the weather warms up in a couple of months!

I’ve got some grading to do later tonight, and a bit of writing that needs to get out of my head. Then, I’m going to enjoy my last chance to sleep in before I have to go back to school. I’m not ready to be back in the classroom, but I’ll welcome the routine. I really do like the routine.

A Poem for the New Year

Morning Renewed

A towel dries on its peg.
Radiators pant with the effort
of combating winter chill.
Percolating coffee heralds
the beginning of the New Year.

Remains of tarts and cream
Evince a feast and
bring to mind the
sedate frivolity of a village
comfortable in its collective skin

The sun pushes under the shades.
The list of chores and projects and goals
grows long, to match the understanding
that it is time to atone
for past indulgences.

Welcome to 2009, everyone!

Sunday Meme: What did you do in 2008 that was…

Fun?

I took SiSi on her first overnight kayaking/camping trip. We were racing a wind storm, and had to work hard to get where we were going by the time the water became choppy. We got to explore the wilderness, go swimming in the river and make s’mores. She was a great partner in this adventure, and really got into putting up the tent, making and tending the campfire and paddling the kayak. I remember thinking, as we were coasting down the river the next morning, that my kid really impresses the hell out of me and I am glad she chose me as her papa.

Challenging?

I packed six months of endurance training into about 13 weeks, so I could run in my first triathlon in 15 years. I could have started earlier--in fact, I tried to start in February--but building this routine proved incredibly difficult for me. I just couldn’t get myself up to do anything. I don’t remember now if it was because of anything in particular (note to self: blogging is good for remembering), but I do remember being frustrated that, after having already trained for and accomplished a 400-mile bike ride, I couldn’t get up to go for a 5k run or a 750m swim. What made the training particularly demanding was the timing: All the peaks of my training fell into the full and frantic times of my school-year routine. That just added to the desire to put it off. Eventually, I had to kick myself in the ass and just go, deal with the stress and discomfort, and get moving. I was motivated by the fact the goal of competing in the event, but also by the knowledge that I could actually do it and do reasonably well. Also, sending the checks out to cover the entry fees appealed to the tightwad in me. If I’m going to spend the money, I will damn well do the race! I did, and it was a great experience, but actually getting into the habits of mind, body and spirit that were required to train for it took a lot more will and determination than I was expecting.

Exhilarating?

My first run of more than 10k was exhausting, but I was so over the top at having done it that I wanted to shout. If I hadn’t lost my car key along the way (necessitating a call to Beth at the house to come and fetch me), it might have been even more epic. It’s not the marathon distance of Grammar Snob’s husband, but it was the first time in my life I’d ever run that far, and the sense of accomplishment was incredible.

Nervewracking?

I was able to put it out of my mind while I was in session, but it was hard to know that, as I was speaking at my conference in Charlotte, my soccer team was playing for the league championship. That game represented the culmination of several years of effort on my part to build an extra-curricular sports program at my school, then to build a league within which we can have meaningful and evenly-matched competition. It also meant a great deal to my players, who worked very, very hard to get to that game. Last year, our league’s first, my team lost in heartbreaking fashion in the semifinals on penalties. This year we had to survive two intense contests to reach the finals, and they knew that, if it came to it, they would be playing the finals on their own (well, not on their own. Jeanne gets big props for working that game in my stead--she did an awesome job).

Someone on the field was supposed to call me when the game ended--about 4:00, if there was no overtime. When 4:15 passed with no word, I figured they were playing overtime (I was mentally prepared for this). When 4:30 came and there was no call, I was starting to wonder. At 4:45, I was starting to panic. The call came at 4:55, with the word of a 0-0 tie that went to overtime and 19 (!!) penalty kicks before we won. The game was truly epic, with a result my team can be justly proud of, but waiting for news had me chewing my nails down to the quick!

Depressing?

Reviewing my list of goals for the year reminded me that I’ve done absolutely nothing in the way of woodworking all year. There are several projects on that list that I really want to do, but none of them ever rose high enough in my awareness to drive me to get them started. I have decided to move them onto my goals for next year, with the added commitment to devote more time in my tiny shop in the evenings so such things will stay in that prominent place in my attentions.

Romantic?

Wifeness and I dropped the kids of at the Matriarch’s and drove up to Freeport, ME for a night at a B&B. We tooled around the LL Bean campus and enjoyed some of the other local shops, but really the date was about taking time to enjoy being in each other’s company--and the hot tub!

Intellectual?

The work I did to research and prepare for my gig in Charlotte took four months and resulted in a 15-page workbook for the participants of my seminar (I’ll post a link to it eventually, but it’s not available online at this point). I’m questioning whether it’s worth putting some additional time into it so I can publish it for popular consumption. I need to send off some emails to people to get feedback on that question.

Generous?

I gave up my side of the bed to Karla to assist in her recovery. I’ve been sleeping on the futon in the living room for the last two months, and expect to be there for a good while longer. I miss sleeping with my wife, sure, but it’s ok. We’re adapting well overall. We only need to constantly remember to take the time to communicate and connect at other times, in other ways. It’s easy to forget to do that stuff.

Selfish?

I moved the store of Trident gum I keep in my classroom from the center drawer of my desk to an undisclosed location. It is public knowledge that I chew gum, and that I’ll offer it to students who ask, but somewhere along the line someone decided it was ok to go searching for it. I can’t figure out who it is, so I’m protecting my stash from further depletion. If you want some, just ask. There’s no reason to steal it.

Relaxing?

I do a lot of this, really, so it’s hard to pin down a single event. Napping in some form or another would probably fill up most of the top 100 slots on the list. Napping in my hammock on a warm summer afternoon certainly ranks among the top 10.

Merry Christmas! Where's the Internet?

The Matriarch's DSL service was spotty at best and never seemed to be working when I was able to sit down and blog, so I just decided to wait until we got home. Sorry if you were missing me. Did any of you even read this blog this month?

The holiday event in NH was fine. We left Wayfarer House (without Karla, who went south to observe the holiday with her given family) at 7pm on the 23rd, which was about as early as I could get home from school and get the car packed. The two-hour drive was uneventful, which is just the way I like it. The kids watched a movie on Wifeness' laptop in the backseat. Wifeness read her book and nodded off. I plugged into my psipod and grooved to 80's music until the battery ran out. I knew I should have charged a battery before we left! Once in NH, Wifeness and I unloaded the car of luggage and gifts while the kids cuddled with the grandparents. It wasn't long before everyone was in bed.

The 24th started later than usual (thanks go out to Grampa, who gets up early with the kids), and I went out after breakfast in search of some final holiday purchases. A note to the DPW of Portsmouth, NH: It was NOT a good idea to dispatch the bucket loaders and dump trucks to clear the snow near the malls, thereby closing all the access roads down to a single lane, on Christmas Eve. I'm just saying. I don't mind the traffic, but it seemed unnecessary.

Christmas Eve night traditionally involves Chinese food and relatives, and gifts for the little ones are exchanged. To my great relief, there were no "noisy toys". The girls got books they absolutely love, and clothes they'll wear and enjoy. The adults got to chat and relax without drama or tension. A good evening, by any standard.

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I would like to tell you about Christmas morning by recounting a conversation.

SiSi: Papa?

Papa: [grunt]

SiSi: Is it time to get up?

Papa (fumbling for watch and realizing that it's 3:12am): No. It is NOT time to get up. Go back to bed.

Time passes...

SiSi: Papa?

Papa: [grunt]

SiSi: The clock's not working!

Papa: What do you mean it's not working?

SiSi: It's not moving! It's barely moved in, like, a long time.

Papa (fumbling for watch and realizing that it's 3:24am): [Sigh] I'm setting the alarm on this watch. Do not come out of your bedroom until it goes off. Do you understand me?

SiSi: Yes, Papa.

Papa: No, I mean do you really understand what I'm saying to you?

SiSi (in a softer voice, tiptoeing out): Yes, Papa.

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Wifeness and I offered a special present to her folks this year: We would prep, cook and clean up from this year's Christmas feast. It is usually something that they do (they host this event, and as a result, have viewed it as their province), but the last couple of years it has seemed to leave them completely exhausted. We're used to doing such events, and we thought it would be helpful to take this very draining commitment off their list. It turned out to be the most wonderful gift we could have given them. They were able to sit, relax and enjoy the family gathered to them in a way I don't think they've been able to do for wome time. We talked about it afterward, and I'd like to see it become something we do from now on. They've earned the right to pass the torch on this.

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The Wayfarer family has a tradition of visiting the Chili house on Boxing day for waffles and bacon. It is the last event of our Christmas observance in NH, and one I look to with enjoyment every year. It is a chance to relax with people I love in a manner that is wholly forthright and easy. Chili and I both value this kind of social experience and, I think, are grateful for every one of these we get.

It was nice to see you, too, Auntie, even if it was only for a few minutes!

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We're back home now. The suitcases are unpacked. Laundry and dishes are underway. Piles are making their way back to the right drawers and shelves. I spent an hour or so knocking heavy snow off our elderly neighbor's hedge and shaving ice off the driveway so it will melt smooth tomorrow (it's expected to hit 60ºF!) I'm going to relax tomorrow, or what passes for it at this time of year. The floor needs to be vacuumed. Someone needs to go to the grocery store. You get the idea. There is just not much time before we have to start prep for the New Year's Eve party. Fatty's is doing English food this year! Are you coming?

Inbox: Delayed from Yesterday

I tried to do this yesterday during my free time at school, but there wasn’t any. By the time the kids were in bed, I was really done. So, it gets posted a little later than I wanted.

[On the rules of the house]

Laurie B: What's the quote? Great blessings and great expectations?

I don’t know an exact quote that marries the two thoughts, but they’re tied together strongly in my belief system. Personally, I believe the latter begets the former. In teaching I say it more less that I will do anything--ANYTHING--I can to support you, in whatever way you need, but I expect you to be trying to do the best you can. Is that high pressure? Maybe, but once they’ve reached the point where the blessings start to come (often in the way of tangible results), it starts to make sense that the pursuit of excellence brings rewards. There’s more on this I’d like to write, but not right now. I’ll try again later in the week.

[On the Ice Storm of ‘08]

Many people on and off blog made offers of shelter and accommodation to people in our world who were affected by the weather two weeks ago. You were all very generous, and I want to honor that here. This wasn’t a major disaster, by any stretch of the imagination, but it certainly made a lot of people justifiably nervous. It is my hope that the generosity of those in my world helped to alleviate some of the uncertainty of the experience.


[On unhappiness and control]

Chili: Ugh. Convincing someone of their control over their own life can be the single most frustrating endeavor one ever undertakes.

There’s a morally difficult question for me in these kinds of situations. On the one hand, I think it’s important for people to find their own way to understanding. No one can bring enlightenment unto another. Growing in this way is sometimes a long and painful journey, but there is no shortcut to making it. It’s also a matter of individual choice, and I respect the right of people simply not to try. On the other hand, however, I think it’s important for people to recognize that their choices (and their failure to make choices) carry consequences, and not just for them. We hear all the time about other people paying the price for one’s own sins. As a member of my chosen family, I have accepted an obligation to support you, but also to protect everyone else from things I recognize are harmful. I’m still coming to a decision about where these two seemingly competing ideas meet harmoniously, but I’m convinced there is such a place. I’d love some commentary about this, by the way.

[On getting the various holiday personalities to communicate better]

Eric: You shouldn't have gotten the red (camera)...

*I* didn’t get the red one. That was all Wifeness’ doing. Does that mean she gets to take the blame for the radiator, too? It was her van, after all…

Kizz: Sort of the nice thing is that it waited until AFTER they'd been ordered so you're still getting something nice.

Yeah. Sort of. I’d have been content with something less expensive that I could drive around in the van (with its nice, new radiator), but as they say, what’s done is done. Maybe I’ll take some nice pics of the new radiator? **shrug**

[On the end of long days]

LB: You are going at a gut busting energy level that you can handle and work with right now.

I’ll tell you, LB, it’s not all that unusual for either Wifeness or I to be working at 110%. It’s just what we do. It does catch up to us every now and again, but we’ve developed ways to deal with things when we need to slow down or check out. Planning and communicating are the two biggest things we do, and when we do them well (which, admittedly, is not all the time) we’re able to do a lot with our time, space and funds.

Today is the Winter Solstice

It is the shortest day of the year. I celebrate this day because, from here on out, the days get longer. They won't get warmer for a while yet, but this is the beginning.

The kitchen is seeing heavy use today. Lots of yumminess is in various stages of creation, and the house is filled with warmth and aromas of sweet and savory. The snow is falling heavily at the moment, but there is no need to venture out. No one in the house has to travel, and the plow has not rumbled by. I am perfectly content, therefore, to stay in my squishy clothes (that's a Wayfarer House term for sweats, slippers and the like) and take care of the ever pernicious domestica.

I was excited to do some writing yesterday (the DnD adventure the house has been playing for several years is drawing to the end of its latest chapter), and I want to finish it by the end of the year. Who knows what will happen to it after that, but I'd like to see it through.

Wifeness is looking for one of the cameras that "Santa" is giving the kids this year. If you see it, will you tell her? It's driving her meshuggeneh.

A Long Day Done

Today seemed to wear everyone out, including me. We got a lot accomplished, though:

The laundry is churning along (4 loads through, plus one in the wash and one in the dryer)

The kitchen has been cleaned--twice. I’m not sure I’ve acknowledged the universe publicly for our dishwasher, but I’ll do it again anyway. We would not be able to do what we do without it.

The drive has been shoveled--once (SiSi helped). I’ll have to do it again, but with only another 3-4” to fall, it can wait until the morning. People can get in and out, and that’s what matters.

We were able to get to the mall, and the girls and I did some preliminary research on a present for Mama (which shall not be mentioned here, Mama, since you read this blog). The mall kicked Karla’s ass, but it was good that she got down there to do what she needed to.

Wifeness and I were able to powwow about the gift baskets unnamed holiday gifts we’ll be sharing. We’ll start working on the final goodies parts of them this weekend.

SiSi finished the first Harry Potter book. She is very proud of herself. She damn well should be! She’s frickin’ 7 years old! So awesome.

NiNi wrapped “presents” for people and put them under the tree. I’m not sure what she’s giving as “gifts”, but she’s very excited for people to open them. I just hope it’s not a tie. Or, as is the tradition in my given family, a painted stick.

Now that it’s the end of the day, I’m going to chill and do some writing. If I’m still feeling awake in an hour, I’m going to watch a bit of Star Wars: The Clone Wars. May the force be with you.

This snow is really putting my knickers in a twist...

...and no, it's not just because it falls. Let me 'splain. No, there is no time. Let me sum up.

I knew yesterday that there would be a storm coming this afternoon, and that it would likely result in a cancellation of classes. I knew it, but could do nothing about it. The day was just too busy for me to do what was necessary to prepare for all that was going to follow.

A snow day today creates a lot of problems for me. The way our school's class schedule works, losing the day today means I have to pack in everything--presentations, performances, assessments and independent study reviews--all before the end of the day on Tuesday (a day, it must be noted, that not all of my classes meet). Add to this the fact that several of my students are not coming in next week (they're leaving to celebrate Hannukkah stuff out of town), so they will not have what they need to do for practice over break, and all of a sudden there is an organizational nightmare. I do not, as of this writing, have a solution for these problems, but at least I have the extra day to think about it!

The kids' school actually decided to fit in a ½ day (they're dismissing at noon), but I'm keeping them home. It's not worth the gas to drive up there twice, with everything else that's going on today. We need to get some grocery shopping done, and we need to pick up Wifeness and hit the mall so Karla can get some stuff for the gifts she's giving. I don't think we're going to get back home before the snow falls, but it is my hope that we'll escape the worst of the driving experience. Then it's all about domestica (laundry, vacuuming, dishes) until the snow reaches 6" in height. I'll have to move it around with the snowblower before it gets too dark, so that Maeve can get in the driveway when she returns home from work.

Who says snow days are like an extra day of vacation? They can come on over and enjoy it here. We have dishes to do.

Holiday Karma?

Wifeness and I decided to splurge a lot and get each other digital cameras for Xmas this year. Cost: $300 for the pair. She ordered them online this morning.

Wifeness brought her van in this morning to have new tires put on, and in the process of doing that the mechanic discovered that her radiator has a leak and needs to be replaced. Cost? Go ahead. Take a guess. I’ve already given you a hint.

I'm writing Buddha to ask him what the crap brought this on, anyway. I'm CC'ing Santa. Their people need to talk.

10 Things Tuesday: Randomness

1. My students love to play Spanish Jeopardy, but mostly because they get to play with the buzzers. I cannot tell you the number of times I have to say, “If you press that buzzer again, I’m going to kill you.”

2. It will suck if we don’t have school tomorrow. Wednesdays are my easy days: I don’t go in until 12:15pm, and I only teach two classes. If I’m going to have a snow day, it should be on a day like today, when I have to be at school for 8 hours.

3. Of all the sports I can play, basketball is far and away my worst. I mean, really. The worst. Just ask the kids that played this afternoon.

4. SiSi is reading Harry Potter. She started a week ago, and she’s about half way through it. It’s really cool to watch her so intent and focused on what she’s reading. The fact that she is 7 years old amazes me.

5. NiNi is not reading yet, and is having some difficulty accepting that her sister can do it. Younger sibling jealousy is a horrible affliction.

6. My mother wants to come up this summer to visit. She wants to drive, and to bring the dog. The cat will not be pleased to learn this.

7. A member of chosen family is living a life of stress and unhappiness, but totally unwilling to believe that she can make decisions to change that. She believes firmly that her life is what it must be. It makes me sad because it hurts not just her, but her entire family, even though she sees that she is doing the opposite.

8. I made pretty decent chili on Sunday. Well, it wasn’t much to look at (apparently, it was several shades of brown), but I can’t be responsible for that. At least it tasted good. Karla ate it for two days!

9. I am really excited about the prospect of biking to Nova Scotia this summer. I have NO idea when or how it’ll happen, but I am all giddy about getting to do it!

10. It’s 10pm, but I’ve posted for the day. Now I’m going to go for a 45 minute walk and go to bed--in my own bed. Thanks Wheeler!

Will you 10,000 monkeys shut the hell up?!?

The kitchen is full of people, and I can’t get in to fill the dishwasher. That’s ok. I needed to post for today, anyway.

Today, it was 54ºF. I don’t think I can tell you just how good it felt to my psyche to be outside in that weather. I ran for 4 miles after classes and it hurt and healed at the same time. For those of you only just getting back into your homes, I am very, very sorry. I feel guilty that I kinda needed it so bad.

I sat down with myself last night and meditated on my goals and what I wanted and needed to do to achieve them. I have to admit it was hard to do that. I have been in a funk for a good week, and anyone who knows what that feels like will agree that getting out of one is a whole lot harder than getting into one. It was hard to focus, and more than once I thought it might be better if I just went ahead to sleep. I’ve learned from past experience, though, that if I just keep going back to the thing I’m supposed to be contemplating, eventually one of two things happens: I either achieve clarity (that is, the distractions sort of fade out), or I reach a point where the distractions become the thing I realize I need to focus on. The latter was more the case last night. Mostly, it came down to knowing I needed to get up and start doing. OK, fine. What’s in the way, then? I made a list of stuff. I took care of a bunch of it today during school. I’ll start on some more tonight. I’ll try not to let the list get in the way of the goals (that’s a lot like missing the forest for the trees), but I need to work through the distractions to get to a point where I can go back to actually contemplating the big picture. I’m not all the way there yet, but already I feel much more like I should today for having taken the time to get inside my head.

Stay warm. Stay safe.

There are still some 10,000 people in western MA without power as of this writing. Many of these will not see it until Tuesday, although crews are working as quickly as possible. Those I've talked to out here are ok, and the Red Cross has shelters and services set up for those who aren't, but it serves as a reminder to me that we should be prepared for havoc and support those who take care of us in times of need. We at Wayfarer House have heat and lights, but our hearts go out to those who do not.

I'm in school. Where are you?

Despite the icy, slushy and generally messy conditions in the area the last couple of days, my school has not cancelled classes. I’m all right with this, since it means I’ll have to stay in June that many fewer days. You see, we already get out much later than the average public school (our current last day is June 18), and it often happens that we’re chugging along in that last week of the month. I like my summer to start earlier rather than later, so if it means I have to slog through 2” of slush to get to school I’ll put on my wellies and my wide-brimmed hat and head on out.

That said, there are not all that many kids here today. Many of my students live in the hill towns. The road conditions there will be treacherous until mid-afternoon, and a great many trees have succumbed to the weight of the ice on the branches, falling on houses, cars and roads. I cannot complain that most are at home, though hopefully they’re working on their stuff for my classes so I don’t have to send out Late Notices for them. I hate writing that paperwork! I cancelled the exam today for those of them that showed up. With only one full week before the holiday, it just didn’t make sense to create work many of them would have to see me outside of class to make up. Why create a Spanish emergency when one doesn’t need to exist?

It’s supposed to clear up later today, but I’m still not going to try to do any training. I’ve been invited to the local watering hole after school, but I also need to run to the mall to drop Karla’s computer off at the Mac Store (the CD drive is being recalcitrant). I should be back well in time for the holiday photo, although I’ll have to de-scruff beforehand.

Wifeness and I are going out for a date tomorrow morning! Auntie Carolyn has offered to take the children off our hands for a couple of hours, so we’re going to chill at a local breakfast joint, then go window shopping. I’m really looking forward to this time. It’s rare of late that I get to spend such time with my wife, and I miss it.

I’ll try to get out for a run this weekend at some point and, hopefully, that will spell the end of this episode of depressive exhaustion. I’m ready to be done with it, I really am.

Ten Things Tuesday (on Wednesday, because Tuesday sucked)

Between the cold, the wet, the dark and the grading that I need to do in advance of Late Notices, I'm really not enjoying life right now. This week's list, then, is dedicated to the dos and do nots of my life at this time of year.

1. I DO a lot of mindless distractable things--video games, sudoku, web surfing--to keep the blues at bay.

2. I DO NOT have a lot of motivation to do things that require concentration--grading being chief among them, as applicable this week.

3. I DO have a lot of grading to do, however. I have exams from last week, two separate projects (wonderful though they are) and homework... So. Much. Homework.

4. I DO NOT think I can get up at 5:30am to go to the pool while I'm in this funk. I've tried, like, three mornings to get up. I can actually wake up, but I simply cannot get out of bed. Ugh.

5. I DO have a phys. ed. class twice a week, so I'm getting a little exercise, but it's not what I need to have to stay on top of my training.

6. I DO NOT have any endurance right now. Even though I'm not doing much physically, I feel like I need to sleep all the time. I've had to pull over on the drive home to close my eyes and refresh my batteries several times over the last couple of weeks.

7. I DO manipulate caffeine a bit to help me through the day, even though I know it's only a short-term solution. When I say "manipulate", I mean I have an extra cup of coffee during the day (above the cup and a half I have with breakfast). That's the most I can do without creating more problems than I solve.

8. I DO NOT have a metabolism that would tolerate taking real drugs to deal with this. Hell, Ibuprofen kicks my ass!

9. I DO NOT expect this to last forever.

10. I DO, however, think I'm going to go to bed early again.

I'm taking a day off from everything.

I'm sorry, but I don't have anything profound to blog today. I'm cold, I'm tired and think it's just best if I go to bed. We'll try again tomorrow.

Thanks, Eliot and Mia, for your kind words today. They really mean a lot.

Sunday Meme: What if ... ?

1 ....you could bring one character from your favorite book to life, who would it be?

I enjoy the quiet wisdom of characters like William of Baskerville (The Name of the Rose) and Marko Ramius (Hunt for Red October), but since both of these are played in film by Sean Connery, I’ll leave those as tied for the number two slot and select Gandalf (Lord of the Rings). I’d find it intriguing to see his world through his eyes!

2....you could solve one of history’s unsolved mysteries, which would it be?

I thought at first that I’d really like to know exactly why and how stone monuments like Stonehenge were created, but recent archeological evidence seems to suggest that such formations were places of burial, and that cremations were performed there. I figure the academics will have it all figured out without my help. The mystery that next came to mind was that of The Iceman, Otzi. We don’t know a lot about what life was like when he lived (4th C. BCE), and I feel like it’s nothing like what we imagine it to be.

3....you were stranded on a deserted island, what 2 people would you chose to be stranded with?

Well, certainly Wifeness would be one, and not only because it’d be great to spend all that quality time together (figures, though, that we wouldn’t be alone), but because between the two of us, we could figure out how to either get off the island or live quite happily together on it. The second person would probably need to be someone like Les Stroud, whose knowledge would be indispensable if we were destined to be there a while.

4....you could spend a day with any celebrity, dead or living, who would it be?

As I get older and realize that celebrities are real people, just like me, I’d want to spend that time with someone whose real self I truly admired and from whom I feel like I would learn something. The first name that pops into my head is Emperor Kangxi of China. I feel like he has that quiet wisdom I admire, and that he is a good judge of people and how to work with, not against them. The link above is clearly biased, but is the closest one I could find that portrays Emperor Kangxi as I learned about him first. Wikipedia’s entry on him is decidedly more evenhanded.

5....you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I am, I believe, an excellent judge of people, but I am still learning how to use that skill to communicate effectively. Sometimes, I just don’t recognize what to say or do fast enough to be helpful or supportive at the right time. I would love to be instantly better at simultaneously reading and interacting with people.

6....you could live anywhere, where would you live?

For a long time now, it’s been central France. The Loire Valley just gets me in a soft spot. Perhaps, when the school is built and we’re ready to retire, I can convince Wifeness to buy a small villa there.

Rules and Regs

Susan at Foster Care Space Warp recently posted some of her "house rules". Wayfarer House has its own, as well (what house with children or pets doesn't). Based on recent events, however, I'm adding a couple.

New Rule #1: If you ignore the fact that you have to pee and, as a result, have an accident, you must accept that you will have to wait until we get home to deal with the problem of wet pants. Papa does not bring spare clothes for children on outings.

New Rule #2: If you violate the "hands off" rule when we are at a store (see earlier rules publications for the full text of this rule), you are responsible for any damages and the costs associated with buying the item. If you are unable to make financial restitution to either the store or the parent, as applicable, you will be required to perform additional manual labor in the form of chores around the house until such time as your debt is paid. The number of chores imposed under this rule will be commensurate to the severity of the violation of the rule and/or the amount of debt incurred, with the intent being to prevent any repeated infractions.

New (Amended) Rule #3: When an authorized parental unit--any authorized parental unit (given or chosen)--tells a dependent member of the community to abstain, desist, cease, curtail, discontinue, belay, wind up, close out, culminate or in any other way bring to an end an activity, that instruction will be followed in both letter and spirit without question and without delay. Any appeals may be brought--after the fact--to a (or, if applicable, the other) given parent. Amended as follows: Any instruction to abstain, etc., regardless of its origins, overrides a permission unless and until ALL AVAILABLE GIVEN PARENTS affirm and concur that permission is granted.

New Rule #4: Theo is off limits to all dependent members of the community while he is in holiday dress. Neither he nor any of his trappings are to be touched in any way, directly or indirectly, without the express consent of ALL AVAILABLE GIVEN PARENTS. This most especially includes the Star Trek Mr. Spock talking ornament.

New Rule #5: You will be advised of weather conditions at the time of departure from Wayfarer House. You may, at the discretion of an authorized parental unit, be advised to consider outerwear appropriate to the conditions as given. When you are so advised, the choice to heed the counsel is yours, with the understanding that you accept--without complaint--any consequences. This does not change the earlier rule that states, as relevant, "an instruction by an authorized parental unit to bring or wear particular clothing may not be interpreted as advice, subject to choice."

New Rule #6: Lunchboxes will be emptied by their owners of all perishable contents and refuse immediately upon their return to Wayfarer House. Failure to do so will forevermore result in any new lunch items being refused admittance until the offending container meets space and sanitary regulations.

Friday In-Box (while my students are taking their exams)

[On “given” vs. “chosen” family…]

Chili: I guess we have to come down to questions of biology and intention.

The importance of both is one of the parts of larger question I’ve been mulling about family and marriage’s place as a fundamental keystone of the nuclear family concept. I’m still working on it, but I’m nearly ready to post something.

Mary Fagan: I have observed that those in our actual gene pool tend to bring out the absolute worst in us.

Firstly, hello Mary! I’m glad you’re here! Secondly, the anecdotal truth of your statement is something that has taken up a lot of time in my thoughts. Why is it that our given family does that to us? I’ve wondered if the answer is not somehow tied to the expression, “familiarity breeds contempt”, but I simply cannot accept as universal such a depressing supposition. I’m working too hard to evolve beyond feeling contempt for people to accept that it must be that way.

Wifeness: We should add (StoryCorps) to our next agenda.

I think it’s a great concept, and it would serve us well to find ways to make use of such things in our school development. Let’s talk more about it, k?

[On decorating for the holidays…]

Kizz: The past few years I've bought a low cost wreath for the smell.

And what a wonderful smell it is, too! It is truly a comforting winter scent, right up there with wood fires, pipe smoke and roast turkey. Theo isn’t aromatic, so we have to import wreaths if we want that particular fragrance.

Laurie B: Mostly, we spend time and share good food and wine. Time is really the only thing of limited quantity that we do have to spend.

Truly, Laurie, I think that time is undervalued in American society. I value the time people give to me and mine far more than most things they can buy. Gift cards don’t do much for me, but homemade anything is really special, especially if it’s thoughtfully done.

[On hot people living in New England…]

Kizz: I had no idea Lauren Ambrose lived in New England. Where?

As it happens, Kizz, you were right to question this. I checked again and found out she actually lives in Manhattan. Dammit! I was just settling into my decision.

Brain Dump...

The last two days have been more than a little frenetic. It sort of came out of nowhere, and I wasn't ready for it. Yesterday, I think I made it to 9:30pm. I'm not expecting much better today. Thankfully, my exams are made for tomorrow. All I have to do is print them out.

Part of it is the weather. It hasn't been cold, but the gray and dark really reaches into the deepest part of my soul. Cold I can handle. I'll snivel about it, but it's bearable. Dark and dismal just withers me.

I'm glad I'm doing training again, though. It's tempering my desire to curl up under blankets and hibernate. Today, I went outside and played soccer with my class, and it felt good. I managed a nice hike in the woods yesterday, and that helped, too. I know that exercise does a good job of alleviating SAD. I'm working really hard to keep on top of it, not just so I'm in a good place for triathlon season and Nova Scotia (have I told y'all about that yet?), but also because I have a feeling it's how I'm going to best survive this time of year.

Wifeness, Karla and I have agreed to take time out of the evenings a couple of days per week to keep in touch with each other. Wifeness and I rely strongly on that kind of time to debrief on the day, pass information back and forth, plan, strategize and generally bond and be intimate. We call it Teapot Time. It's hard to have Teapot Time during soccer season because my world is so screwy, but now that we're back on a more or less normal schedule, we're finding we really need to reestablish the habit. We want to include Karla in that time because so much of what we're doing now involves her, either directly or indirectly, and it's good for her to have input. It's also good for her to see how we work together to talk things out and solve problems. She hasn't seen a lot of that among the adults in her world.

We're also letting SiSi and NiNi stay up a little bit later now. We still put them in bed between 8 and 8:30, but we'll let them leave the light on for a few minutes to read or draw. SiSi has been good about turning the light off when the time is up. I love that she's so responsible!

Kiara and Mia are back together again. They seem much happier now. Ben and Leah are not together anymore. They seem happier, too. Teenage romance is weird like that.

Karla has beaten me at Scrabble. I don't mean covered the 70 point spread she normally gets. I mean, she beat me outright. Wheeler is close to beating me, as well. I think my Scrabble mojo has left me.
: (

While I may come back to Grace Park when I start watching Battlestar Galactica again, I think I've decided my new crush is Brea Grant. She's on TV now (and I actually watch Heroes, so I see her every week), she's got a blog--thanks Kizz, for finding that out, and she doesn't live near enough to worry that I might run into her (sorry, Lauren). The voting is open again, though, if Lauren moves outside New England. It's the hair. Redheads are hot. Especially educated redheads.

10 Things Tuesday: Talking about Community

I met with students from my advisory today to talk about one of the big thoughts running around in my head, and they had some interesting insights about how my school’s identity has changed, and what we might do to help get us out of this place of “not-knowing”.

1. They have noticed, too, that our community seems fractured. We do not do things as a whole body any longer and, although there are organized events that allow us to interact as a school, they don’t contribute as well as they could to the sense of community we all really value.

2. They noted that our school has become far more rigid in its approach to things. They talked about how they used to be able to visit classes and teachers in their downtime and how, if a group were deep into something of consequence, the staff would support them by giving them time and space to see it concluded well. Now, they are pushed to eat lunch in a shorter time frame, required to follow regimented guidelines during their independent studies and, as they put it, “be all institutional”.

3. They felt like this less accommodating attitude has affected the public perception of staff as a whole, but particularly of administration. They see them as less approachable and collaborative now than just a couple of years ago.

4. These issues notwithstanding, they don’t think we’re truly broken as a school. They were quick to point out that. They felt just like the students that have already approached me do: That it’s still a wonderful place, but is suffering for some of the changes it has seen recently.

5. They see our school as a place where students used to come to do performing arts (not necessarily to become great performing artists). Now, they think, students come mostly to escape traditional schools. This was insightful. We as a staff have discussed this same thing.

6. They wondered to what degree the three major changes to the school--the creation of a middle school program; the move to a new, modern (but more confining) building; and the retirement of one of our founders--have contributed to this fractured state. More importantly, they wondered about what solutions might come from understanding how these are all related.

7. They suggested that there are a lot of ways that we can be together as a school to promote a sense of community, and that they need to be “canned” experiences. One such suggestion was a game day. “There’s nothing that draws us together like playing Giants, Wizard and Elves!”

8. They recognize that our building is not well designed to allow us to do things together as a school, or even in larger groups. There is no space large enough for all of us to meet as one body, and this really gets in the way. We used to do all-school open mic events every couple of weeks, for example, but this is not possible in our building.

9. They felt as though we should totally be able to come to consensus as a school about this issue of community, although they were uncertain as to how to approach the discussion without making it seem force-fed. They felt that, to be truly valuable, the discussion needs to happen in a spontaneous manner.

10. They were reluctant to stop this discussion short to go to class (as it was, they were all 5 minutes late). When I asked if they were interested in continuing this discussion, they all said “YES!” I’ll admit I was surprised to see them so engaged in this. Even those students that are not normally so vocal were commenting and asking questions. Clearly this is something of interest to them, and I’m looking forward to taking this to the group who asked me to be involved in the first place. They’ll be pleased to know that this resonates with more than just them.

PloYoMoFo Assessment

Time to review the results of National Blog Posting Month on the Wayfarer Journal. I’m actually quite impressed at how I did! I’m taking a mulligan on the three days that I was in Charlotte because of technology issues but, apart from those, I missed only one day. People are even reading the blog, so I can make the generous assumption that it’s worth people’s time. That makes me feel good. Thank you, everyone, for your comments and support!

I’m really feeling empowered by what I’m writing; it’s helping me to stay focused on goals, and I find the big things I’ve been pondering (in some cases, for a long time) are starting to become clear. I’m reading and writing more about the things I value, and that’s good for me. This is what I wanted blogging to be.

If you signed on for National Blog Posting Month, how’d you do?

In other news, the tree has been dressed for the holiday season. For those of you who don’t know, Wayfarer House has a tree, a weeping fig, that’s been part of the décor for some 15 years. His name is Theo. Every year, we drag out the lights and ornaments and deck Theo out, instead of spending a lot of money for a tree that just gets cut down and thrown in a landfill in a month. A lot of people think we’re weird (what else is new), but I like the idea of the tree being part of the festivities. I’ll post a pic as soon as I can find the camera (or convince Wifeness to take a pic for me).

We also have Wayfarer House “stockings” hanging in the living room. They get quotation marks because one could hardly call them stockings. They’re closer to sleeping bags in size. They are, in a word, enormous. There are five this year, and they cover the entire closet door! Other decorations will come out as time permits. Some years, we put stuff everywhere, but I’m less and less of that mindset as time goes by. It’s not that I’m a scrooge. I’m just not into the holiday IN THAT WAY. I like the certain traditions that we’ve developed as a family, and I love the sounds, smells and smooches that are all part of the season, but turning the house upside down doesn’t contribute to my sense of the festive. I prefer to decorate on the inside.

Wifeness and I have decided to forego gifts to each other this year so we can get stuff the house really needs, like kitchen equipment, sheets, towels and insulated curtains (the cost of heating our house will be astrofuckingnomical this year). We’ll still do anniversary somethings when the time comes, and Santa will be kind to the kids, but when we sat down to talk about it, we just didn’t see the sense in going nuts trying to find stuff the other needed when we knew we both wanted to take care of infrastructure. It’s amazing how much peace can come from new linins!