Where does the time go??

Without realizing it, quite a few days have passed since I’ve posted anything. I guess I’ve been busier that I thought I was. Here’s what’s been going on…

—I’ve been thinking a lot about Kizz’ post. I’ve been working on a post about how to make that beginning experience with things somewhat less painful. It’s proven to take longer than I expected to put into words, and I’m nowhere near done with it. It’s old news now, probably, but I’m still feeling compelled to finish it.

—I’ve been shopping for a projector for my classroom. I think I’ve decided on this one.

—I’m doing research on a free web-based system for storing grades and assignments so my students can get access to them. Our school’s website will have this ability eventually, but it’s not ready yet (and shows no indication of being ready any time soon). A short-term fix is what I need. Any suggestions?

—Speaking of websites, I’ve been working on the one for my school. I’m not a true webmaster or anything, but I know a bit of HTML code, and I’m the one with free time at school since I’m not leading a paideia activity. For reasons of security, I won’t offer a link to the site, but those of you who know where I teach are welcome to check it out. It’s coming along

—I’ve been taking time to get out and exercise every day. Mostly, it’s only been walking during the day (something relaxing to help with my SAD), but I’ve been able to use my evenings to do other more rigorous things like riding my bike (I have a road bike on a trainer upstairs in my office) or doing weights (the weight bench is right next to the bike). I even managed to get a 5k run in the other day and not die! I have a triathlon coming up this year—the first one in 14 years—and I really want to do well.

—I’ve been finishing the last bit of book research for my thesis. I get to start writing it this weekend!

—Yesterday, I went on a site visit to this school. Charter schools in Massachusetts are evaluated regularly to see that they are doing what they say they are, and members of other charter schools often accompany members of the Dept. of Education to do observations and interviews. This is the first one I’ve done. It was a great experience! I’m hoping I get to do more.

Looking back, I guess that’s enough to keep me away from my blog, but I’m still disappointed that I let so much time go by without posting. I enjoy blogging, even if no one actually reads my posts or comments. It’s good for my SAD, too.

My wife, with the quote of the day...

While passing through the kitchen this evening, Wifeness regarded the shelf by the window and remarked,

"That narcissus is looking nice...

...but then, it already knows that."

HAHA!

Another entry to the Wayfarer House dictionary...

jun·gle [juhng-guhl] verb, -bled, -bling,

1. To move on, over, under or around in a wild and free manner, often in a mass or group. The children jungled their papa as he lay on the floor.

2. To treat (a person) as a piece of playground equipment.

[Origin: 2007; NiNi of Wayfarer House]

—Related forms:
jungle papa/mama, noun. A parent (usually prone and on the floor) that children can climb and play on with abandon. [Adapted from jungle gym.]

How many costuming students...

...can you fit in a faculty bathroom at my school at once—with a strobe light?

Sounds off-the-wall, doesn’t it? Well, this is the kind of thing you’ll ask yourself at my school during Paideia, the 3-week intercession break between our academic semesters. The term Paideia is Greek and means “from many sources”. It’s an apt name because the faculty, staff and community members all get together to offer an amazing variety of activities for the students to explore during this time, very little of which is formally academic but all of which allow the students to practice learning habits and skills they learn in regular classes. Check out some of these amazing offerings!

—A Make a Difference group introduces students to political and social activism. They volunteer at the local survival center and organize informational meetings on issues of importance, like recycling and conservation.

—A group goes around to local elementary schools to work as mentors with little kids.

—Two shows are in the works, one of which tours during this time, visiting area public schools and nursing homes.

—A number of groups do costuming, scene setup and music related to the shows.

—Several groups do physical activities like winter treks and rock climbing. There’s even a boffing group!

—The Mock Trial team meets during this time, preparing for their usual run to the state finals.

—An graphic artist teaches students how to do flash animation.

—Several music groups get to spend time with faculty to practice and perfect their repertoire

—A research trip to Hawaii. Students and teachers organized and raised money, generated a formal curriculum and arranged for presentations upon their return all on their own.

It’s so great to see all these students so actively engaged in things they find fun, but that still teach them something of lasting value. I wish more schools did this.

By the way, the answer to the riddle at the start of the post, according to what I saw, is 7. I never did figure out exactly what it was they were doing in there, but it must have been important because they were all making notes and chatting about it as they exited, strobe light in hand.

An outing with SiSi...

Today was another “home day” and SiSi and I decided to go on an adventure. With Mama and NiNi going off to do some shopping, it seemed a good opportunity to get out of the house and work off some cabin fever (both SiSi and I get a little antsy if we’re homebound for too long). The weather here at Wayfarer House was better than in many parts of New England today: It was only raining, with temps just enough above freezing to keep the roads wet, but not slippery. We decided these were reasonable conditions for an outing on foot, so we donned raincoats, boots and hats and set off to explore.

We talked about this and that on the 20 minute walk downtown. I’m always interested to hear what SiSi likes to discuss. Her world is so fascinating! On the trip down, we covered pre-school, her buddies, being in front when we walk and what to do if you start to cross the street and see a car. Riveting conversation!

Our first stop was the co-op market for the one necessary bit of shopping. SiSi carried the basket while I got the salad and soap. Then, it was off to the coffee shop for something warm, with a brief stop at the bookstore on the way. Not that I have time to read anything I might buy there, but SiSi wanted to spend a little of her money on a sticker. She had three dollars. Stickers cost ¢30. Any guesses on how long it took for the right sticker to be chosen?

After something hot to drink and a shared bagel, we headed to the bead store. The rest of her money went into a necklace, the beads for which she chose, ordered and assembled herself. When all was said and done, she had a nice necklace and 3 pennies left. Not bad! She’ll do great on The Price is Right someday.

We took the long road back home, so we could walk through the “train park”. It’s called that because there is a small wooden train that kids can play on there. We had fun running there, but didn’t play long. The wet and cold were starting to seep into our bones, and it was getting to be time for lunch. Our outing ended with us sitting under a blanket on the couch, watching Monsters, Inc.

I’m reflecting on all this because it is I’ve been wanting to do with my kids since they were born, yet it’s only been recently that this has been possible. When they were babies, it was difficult for me to interact with them in any way where I felt involved. Mostly, I just sort of sat there. I changed diapers, sure, and I was good at getting them to sleep, but there wasn’t a lot of give-and-take. The interchange that I really needed to feel like I was contributing was missing. Now, I can have conversations with my older daughter. We can share experiences and talk about them later. We can explore and question and joke together. We can DO things!

I’m looking forward to the time when I can do this with NiNi, too. She has such a unique view of the world. I love her energy! She’s a lot like me and I think that, once we reach the point of being able to interact on that level, we’ll have a lot to share. It’ll be nice to be fully involved in the lives of both my girls. I may regret saying this when they become teenagers, but the thought of it right now is very nice.

Birthday!

Today is Chili's birthday! Go on over [HERE] and wish her something good.













Best wishes, honey! I love you!

Today is Sunday.

It’s a “home day” (what my girls call a day when one does not have to go somewhere right off). It’s also a day that we do a number of chores around the house. Here’s a list of what’s on tap for today:

—NiNi (3 yrs old) gets to dust, help water the plants, clean up her “kitchen” (she has a small kid-sized kitchen that sits in the corner of the main one), help put away her laundry and help make her bed.

—SiSi (5 yrs old) gets to vacuum, clean up her “craft area” (this is a repository for half-finished projects, and foreshadows an unhealthy behaviour in adulthood), help put away her laundry and help make her bed.

—Mama primarily gets to supervise NiNi and work in the kitchen and the kids’ bedroom.

—Papa primarily gets to supervise SiSi, start the laundry train and work in the living and dining rooms.

Please note the wording of the paragraphs above. They read “gets to”. We’ve been trying to instill a positive attitude in our kids about chores by considering them privileges and the effect has been decidedly encouraging. They don’t jump for joy at the thought of doing these things, to be sure, but neither do they run from the room sniveling when it comes time to do them. A middle ground where they will actively participate in the routine is perfectly acceptable at this point. Hopefully, it’ll make our lives easier in the short term while setting the stage for a matter-of-fact understanding of housekeeping that will serve them very well as they grow up.

We also have a couple of special tasks on today’s list:

—Get the holiday decorations down and put away in the attic. (The wise men have gone home already!)
—Finish changing light bulbs. (Why is it that, when one goes, 5 go??)
—Flush the furnaces. (This gets done every week during the winter)
—Put the coffee table back under the stairs (It’s a big coffee table in a small living room)

If all goes well, most of this will be done by naptime. I’ll reward myself today with a nice, long workout session on the weight bench in my office. I’ll need to work off the incredibly delicious scone I had for breakfast that Wifeness made. She makes kickass scones!

To my students...

Well, it’s official. You may now breathe a sigh of relief. It’s over. You’ve either earned credit or you haven’t. If you have, I’ll be excited to see you in three weeks for beginning of the spring semester. If you haven’t, I’ll be excited to see you around in the halls, and again next fall for a repeat my class.

If you did not earn credit in my class, it is my hope that you’ll spend some time thinking about why this happened. It would not do, after all, to go through the same class a second time and end up with the same result. Consider these questions: Did you spend time every day with the material for the class? Did you do your practice work when, and how, you needed to? Did you ask questions, so you could understand what you were doing? Did you make an effort to contribute to what was going on in the classroom? All these are things that teachers consider essential for students to do if they’re to be successful, and it is no different for me. I may not ask you to consider my class as the primary focus of your life, but I will absolutely expect that you can demonstrate these routines as part of your work.

Please understand that the choice to succeed is yours. The choice to learn is yours, too. I am here to help you in any way I can to accomplish your goals, and I am willing to go as far as you are to do so. I want you to be successful!

You can learn what I have to offer you, you know. It might be new, different and intimidating at times. It might feel like you’re not a natural at it, like others in the class. It might seem as though it’s hard work. None of that matters. What matters is that YOU CAN DO IT. Trust me. Have faith in your abilities. Work to develop the routines you need to make things happen, and the rest will come as it should. Be patient. No one gets to be good at something overnight. You will get there.

As a final word, I hope that you know that your performance in my class has nothing to do with my appreciation of you as a person. I will still smile enthusiastically when I see you in the hall or outside during lunch. I will still be there for you in every way; I will continue to act as your advocate in all things. I will miss having you in my space every day, and I will be very glad when you are back, fresh and ready to succeed. When that day comes, I will be ready.

Are you there, Lurkers?

I've found out that this week is National De-Lurking week. This is the chance for all of us who blog to encourage all of you who read to actually contribute to the posts. Please take this opportunity to make yourself known. If you also blog, I'll return the favor. I'm actually in the process of making it around to all of you whose blogs I read, letting you know that I'm back from hiatus. I'm sorry it took so long.

In other news, the daughter of my girls' caregiver went to my school to "audition" this evening. Her name is Kayley*. She's in the 7th grade now, and not happy at her local public school. She's been the victim of bullying for years now, but she's also just not either challenged or stimulated by what she's learning. Her mom hopes that my school will help her find meaning in school again. I know her to be bright and engaging, and I believe she'd be an excellent match for my school. I stayed late to be with them while they were waiting, and to give Kayley rah-rahs before she went in. Even though I teach there, I'm not allowed to attend "audtions" unless I'm on the committee. I have served on "audition" committees before, though, so I gave her a heads up on what to expect and told her just to relax and enjoy the experience.

For those of you who don't know, my school is a performing arts charter public school. All charter schools are public schools, and as such, don't discriminate in their admissions. We allow anyone who wants to apply to attend. However, we do a number of things as part of the application process to ensure that we get students who will thrive and participate in what we do.

I put the word "auditions" in quotes because it is not a true audition, in the sense the word is often used. It is true that applicants will perform something as part of "audition", but they will also play games, solve problems using creative skills and take part in a question and answer session with a committee of students, alumni and adults in the school. Nothing applicants do for this event is used to determine who can attend. Rather, this process serves two purposes: It is an introduction to the culture and rituals of the school (we do many things very differently from other schools), and it gives students a chance to share something personal of themselves with the committee and other applicants (sharing their talents is something that, as a performing arts school, we encourage students to do a lot). The audition tangibly reinforces for applicants what they'll be doing if they choose to attend. If they leave "audition" thinking, "that was cool!", they will probably do very well. If they have problems with the activities we ask of them, they may be better served not to attend.

Kayley's odds of actually attending my school next year are slim. In any given year, we have openings for students in each of the grades 7-11, but we have had a waiting list for those slots for several years now. Kayley would be going into 8th grade, which has the most applications, but the fewest slots available. It's a lottery system, so anything is possible, but it's more likely that she'll have to apply again for 9th grade. I'm pulling for her. I hope she gets in.

It happens like this every single semester…

Student is completing very little work to credit standard. Teacher reminds Student regularly of this fact, further reinforcing the fact that it is entirely up to Student to do the work at that level, if Student intends to earn credit for the course. Student assures Teacher that all is well, and that things will get done as they should. Teacher, ceding that Student has the right to make his/her own choices, lets this go, but sends out midterms and warnings to Parents notifying them of the situation. Parents do not reply to these notifications. Teacher moves on to put out other fires.

At the end of the semester, Student is informed that (s)he is likely not to earn credit for the class because work is not up to snuff. Student accepts this, but Parents demand to know how it is that Student came to be in this position. Parents contact Administrator, imagining that there must be present some manner of professional negligence on the part of Teacher for such an injustice to have occurred. Teacher must review with Parents and Administrator all the notifications, explain that Student is perfectly aware of the situation and why (s)he is in this rock/hard place. Teacher then waits for Parents to come to the realization that it is, in fact, Student who has caused this situation to come to pass. Teacher hopes that Parents also agree that it is Student who must, therefore, accept responsibility for it.

This is, of course, pure utopian fantasy. Parents will not sit idly by and let Student take the consequences for his/her choices. Parents will create as much noise as possible about this wrong being perpetrated on their child. They will lament that someone has let Student down, and that it is someone’s job (purportedly Teacher’s) to prevent this from happening in the first place. Teacher will politely, tactfully and diplomatically disagree but, in the interest of keeping the peace (and being allowed to attend to the rest of his students), Teacher will agree to a carefully monitored extension, allowing Student to complete the work.

Teacher is really tired of playing this game and would appreciate it if Parents would either take more or less interest in their children’s education. Teacher acknowledges that there are a great many incompetent members of his profession earning paychecks in his field, but would like to make clear that he is not one of these. He further wishes that Parents would recognize where the responsibility for Student’s education rests in school—with Student. “Teachers can teach all day,” he says patiently each time, “but learning comes from the students.” He hopes to spread this gospel to the ends of the universe someday, but for now, Teacher just wants to go correct Papers.

Another example of language evolution...

scrum·ble [skruhm-buhl] verb, -bled, -bling,

1. To misshape, rumple, wrinkle or crush into an unusable (roughly round) state. She scrumbled that wrapper and threw it in the trash.

[Origin: 2006 and earlier; SiSi of Wayfarer House]

—Related forms
scrum·bly, adjective

¡Muchas Gracias, El Niño!

Today is January 6th. It is, according to the calendar, winter. Winter for most people in New England means that it’s cold, dark and that there is snow on the ground. Here at Wayfarer House, the days are still short, but this is the only thing that matches what all the almanacs say is supposed to be going on now. It’s almost as if we’ve wormholed out into another dimension, an alternate dimension, where the seasons and their indicators are somehow mixed up.

The temperature reached 69ºF (20ºC) today, according to the bank thermometer downtown. It was warm enough to open the windows in the house and let fresh air circulate. It was warm enough that I had to bring the frozen groceries in from the car immediately, lest they melt all over the back of my car.

It was warm enough to go kayaking.

I took my little boat out on the water for about 2 hours in the afternoon, and was treated to the improbable delight of a warm breeze on my face as I glided along the frigid water. It was simply wonderful! I was even blessed with the sight of a full, bright and colorful rainbow before I was hit by an unexpected and intense downpour that caught me still half a mile downstream from the boat landing, forcing me to paddle my arms off against a stiff wind and the river’s current. I reached my car sore, drenched to the bone and reveling in the fact that I was doing all this in January—in wintertime. Glorious!

Shannon's back and I'm glad

There is a girl at my school who came two years ago as a freshman. I never had her in class and I never really spoke to her. I only know her name, Shannon*. Shannon was in trouble a lot when she was here. She would often sneak away from school to go smoke (and worse), and was put before our school’s discipline board several times before the end of her freshman year. She gave every impression of being an angry, bitter child and did not seem to care that a lot of people in my school had a sincere interest in her success.

Even though I had no professional reason for doing so, Shannon was always on my radar. It was like when you hear an obscure name in the news once and, whenever it comes up again, it piques your interest. I wonder what’s going on with suchandso? You never get involved directly in the person’s life, but you find yourself looking for news about her in the paper or on the net.

In Shannon’s case, my interest came partly because of her name. I know someone with her name (which, in real life, is both beautiful and unusual). That small connection kept her in my mind enough that I noticed when she did not come back to my school to start 10th grade. I didn’t pursue it, but I honestly believed that she had dropped out.

Quite unexpectedly, Shannon was back. I first noticed her the week before Christmas break, and it took me a second to recognize her. She no longer had blue hair or dark circles of makeup around her eyes. She was dressed quite demurely in jeans, a sweatshirt and soft leather winter boots. She no longer had that angry edge to her that I had seen before. Naturally, I was curious to know what had happened but, with no genuine cause to do so, all I could appropriately do was wonder quietly to myself.

Yesterday, I actually got to talk to Shannon. She enrolled in a running class in the afternoon that is held at the same time as my soccer class. Since it is too late in the year to play soccer, some of my students have asked if I would take them out for long, brisk walks just so they could be outdoors. Shannon wasn’t able to run yesterday, and the running coach asked me if she could go walking with my group.

She actually spoke to me first. She asked me what I taught at the school, and that started off a discussion about what it was like to speak more than one language. Had I travelled? What was it like in Europe? She had never gone far from home before, but thought it would be fun to travel. We talked as we walked about all sorts of things. I learned that she had left my school to enroll in a traditional public school, but got into real trouble there and left. Then she went to another charter school, but didn’t fit in. She came back to my school because, in her words, “You don’t know how good you have it until you don’t have it anymore.”

I learned a lot about Shannon in the 90 minutes we spent together. At the end of the class, we both agreed that we’d had a good time talking and that we should do it again. I find myself looking forward to that.

Is Shannon a success story? Not yet. She still wrestles with an abysmal home life, trust issues and a very difficult road to graduation from high school. But she’s engaged with her life now. She’s making choices to move forward with it and, probably for the first time in a long while, she sees a future for herself. I’m glad she’s back at my school, and I’m grateful the universe gave me the chance to know her.

Resolving means Doing

I have never found the tradition of New Year’s resolutions to be helpful for me. Somehow, “resolving” to do something never equates to actually doing it. However, I have experienced great success in using that time to plan ahead for things I actually will accomplish. The idea is to set a goal—something I feel I can achieve (even if it means challenging myself), then figure out what I need to do to make it happen. Afterward, I sit down every month or so and pull the plan out, reminding myself of what I wanted to achieve and why, and reviewing things to make sure I’m doing what I need to get there. Sometimes, the goals get met; sometimes, they don’t. When they don’t, I try to document why they didn’t, so I can revise the plan.

Over the last couple of years, I have not been as religious with this routine as I would like and it has left me feeling a little disoriented. I miss not having a set of things to work toward. So much of my mind, body and spirit has been focused on graduate school that I have forgotten to do a lot of things for myself, and reflecting in this way is one of the bigger ones. I am nearly done with graduate school now, and I’ve been reminded that it was a good thing to have these goals in place, and so I am re-establishing the ritual. Over the course of the year, I want to use this space to monitor my progress toward the goals I have set. Having an audience (however small and distant it may be), will help keep my mind on these goals, and actually documenting my progress will do a great job of motivating me to stay on top of the process. I’ll even have something tangible to remind me of what it feels like to achieve something! Who knows? Maybe someone else will find it valuable, too.

The list that follows does not include the minor details, and it is not designed to be complete. I mean, why should it be that I only think about setting goals once a year? I used to make a point of considering additions to the list three times a year: May Day, Labor Day and New Year’s Day. I think I’ll hold to that again. Anyway, here’s what I’d like to achieve at this point, in no particular order.

1. Earn my M.Ed. (I’ve completed all my coursework. I have only a thesis to complete and a portfolio to compile, then it is in the hands of the University)

2. Read three of the books in my library that relate to the Landmark Community School project, so I can…

3. Write out a plan to bring the Landmark Community School to life.

4. Rebuild two habits of a healthy lifestyle that I have neglected for the last several years:
—Making time to be active every day--even if only a 30 minute walk is possible.
—Eating good and healthy food in the right amounts.

5. Reestablish “teapot time” and other rituals of bonding and intimacy with my wife. (more on that in another post)

6. Compete in the Greenfield Triathalon.

7. Explore 6 new places to kayak or canoe.

8. Reconnect with my religious practice by taking time to study, meditate and practice mindful living every day.

9. Write for pleasure regularly during the week (including blogging, letters and fiction)

10. Take SiSi camping overnight, if she’s ready.

11. Make a list of home improvement projects around Wayfarer House that can be done over the summer.

12. Complete to high quality one woodworking project.

13. Take a camera out of its bag twice for fun.

This is a good list for me. I’m going to enjoy seeing each of these accomplished and I happily accept the challenges they present. I’ll keep you posted on how things go.

Staff Sargeant Mac...

I have a student; I’ll give her the blogname Mac. Mac is a junior (11th grade), and has advanced out of my lower level Spanish classes, though she still plays soccer for me in the fall. I don’t see her every day now that soccer is over, but I make a point of chatting with her when we pass in the hall and she comes to hang out in my classroom after school as I’m packing up to go home.

Mac is a member of the Air Force Junior ROTC program. She has every intention of enlisting when she’s finished with high school because she wants what the air force has to offer and because she really enjoys being a part of something she respects. Now, I make no secret of my distaste for military life. I was a navy brat and have no interest in adding to my time served. Even so, I very much support Mac in her decision to do this. She is a good student in a school that sets very high standards; the military is not her only option. This is her dream. It is a good dream, and it is worthy of my encouragement.

I was sitting at the desk in my classroom today surfing the net when Mac walked in, all smiles. She came specifically to show off her new insignia, one she’d just earned over break by completing a rigorous two-week test that challenged her ability to do a lot of things. She and I had talked about this test before, and she was very nervous about it. She wasn’t sure she could do everything they were going to ask of her. This test was a milestone for her: If she completed it, she would be that much closer to college ROTC, a high-paying career and free schooling. Failure would mean training for the test all over again, but also it might mean she couldn't be the capable airman she wanted to be. The insignia meant she’d passed everything, and had been promoted.

To see her today in her dress blues, her new insignia proudly displayed on her lapel, she looked the very picture of pride and confidence. This, from a girl who, only two years ago, would not talk loudly enough in class to be heard from 4 feet away. I stood up, shook her hand and told her that I was incredibly proud of her and that this should serve as a reminder to her, lest she ever forget it, that she is in fact the shizzle.

I have always told my students that I did not care what path they chose for themselves in life. Their lives are their own and no one gets to live their karma but them. I only cared that they worked very hard to choose something—to make a decision for their lives—rather than be subject to the whims of everyone else’s choices. I told them that, as long as they considered everything with a pure heart and tried to understand as best they could the consequences of their choice, they were doing their job. The rest will work itself out as it should.

Mac didn’t make her decision to be a cadet based on what I said, but she is an excellent example of how making “right decisions” for your life leads to a beautiful sense of fulfillment. She is following her karma, and it is an awesome thing to watch.

Congratulations, Mac. I am very proud of you!

What a wonderful ride!

I have been married to my lovely wife for 12 years. They have been wonderful years, and I want the world to know that I am truly blessed to have spent them with her. Our anniversary is really a celebration of the day we decided to share our adventure with everyone. In keeping with that idea, I’d like to take a moment to tell you some of why that adventure has been so much fun.

I’m not effusively romantic, especially in my public writing; you won’t see me gush on about how my wife completes me, how she is beautiful and supportive, how she is an outstanding mother to my daughters and how she makes life worth living. All of these are true, of course, but those who know me know I don’t make a production out of professing my love. It is only important to me that my wife also knows this, and I try to honor her by showing her each and every day how grateful I am that she and I are more than just a married couple--we are best friends.

Our relationship has been defined, almost from the very beginning, as one of friendship. We lived near each other in the early days that we knew each other and we would spend a lot of time in each other’s company talking about life, the things we had in common (we have always had many of the same interests) and the things we’d like to do, see and know. We found out we shared an interest for travel, and we would spend hours trading stories about our journeys and escapades. Indeed, we found we had a lot to share with each other and, even after I moved away, we continued to call and write. She is a great communicator, and I very much looked forward to keeping our conversations going.

The eventual change from friendship to marriage came, in part, because we really enjoyed each other’s company on every level and because we knew how to communicate well with one another. It made sense to us that, if we chose to, we could totally make a more intimate relationship succeed. We sat down like best friends, worked out a plan that would allow us to be together for the long-term, then executed it.

I’ll say honestly that I was more worried about the future than she was. I had been married before, and the pain and uncertainty from that breakup had not faded completely. She reminded me, though, that we had a good friendship, a proven history of happiness, and we had demonstrated that we were willing and able to do what we needed to for a marriage to succeed. I’ll let her tell you if I took a long time to convince, but I came to see the truth of what she was saying eventually.

As our wedding approached, we talked about a statement that we felt really made clear to our guests what we thought about our relationship. It’s written on the special box into which we put special notes, cards and mementos that document and celebrate our marriage. The slogan reads, “We get along so well, we decided to get married.” I think about that statement a lot, because really captures the essence of who we are as a couple. To be sure, we have had our disagreements. We have strained under stress. We have had moments where we drove each other meshuggeneh, but we have always managed to come together and talk it out like best friends. It is that ability that, more than any other thing, has helped us adapt to the challenges we have faced over the last 12 years. It leaves me with the perfect conviction that we could do this forever and really enjoy it.

Our friendship keeps our marriage fresh. Like all best friends, we are motivated to find ways to keep our relationship strong. We look to each other for strength. We find ways to make each other laugh. We defend each other, compliment each other, brag about each other and make each other feel like we are capable of anything--especially when we do it together. We are both proud of the life we have created and, as we lie in bed at the end of the day, we often talk with amazement about how wonderful a ride it has been.

Thank you, Wifeness, for a wonderful ride!

The New Year's Tradition of Wayfarer House

Every year we’ve been married, Wifeness and I have celebrated our anniversary* by hosting a party. We open the house, invite everyone (most people know that the invitation is standing from year to year), talk, laugh, play and connect with all the people who touch our lives in so many wonderful and special ways. This is the twelfth Wayfarer Open House, and over the years a certain routine has been established. Let me take you through the entire event, so you get a sense of things:

New Year’s Eve
4:00pm

Wayfarer House is open. Occasionally, people arrive earlier than this, which is wonderful, but it is understood by those not covered under the 3-times rule that they will be asked to help clean and prep the house to receive the 30-odd guests we’ll have during the evening.

Families with children usually arrive at this time, to make sure the kids get to take part in things before it gets too late. Many of the people who stay the night come around this time as well.

5:00pm

The buffet comes out. This year, the house serves cream of broccoli soup and panini, accompanied by a scrumptious assortment of pot-luck offerings. Those staying over will not want to eat heavily tonight. Fatty’s Diner is open tomorrow!

6:00pm

The kids take over the house. The adults hide in the corners, hoping their children will play hard now and sleep well tonight.

8:00pm

The kids run out of gas. The wise parents will take their leave. The kids who are staying over will be plunked down in front of the television to get some downtime.

The adult crowd will start trickling in about now.

9:00pm

Fun time! What we do depends on who is here. Last year, we played Apples to Apples. In years past, Dick Clark would sometimes play in the background. Who knows if people will want to hear Carson Daly.

11:59pm

We all go outside, huddle together in the cold and quietly count down to the New Year. It’s a special, cozy moment, and it truly starts the next year off in a beautiful way.

New Year’s Day
12:01pm

Some will stay up. Some will go home. Some will say “to hell with it” and go to bed. Even though I have to get up early to open Fatty’s, I usually choose the first option.

8:00am

Fatty’s Diner, the fictional eatery of Wayfarer House, is open for business! For those of you who don’t know, Fatty’s is the brainchild of Uncle Bubba. It has always been Uncle Bubba's dream to run a restaurant that served only food that tastes wonderful, regardless of the fat or caloric content. Wayfarer House is proud to support this endeavor, and has hosted Fatty's each year since its inception. Every year the menu is different, but it is always comprehensive and inevitably includes the kind of food that would make Jenny Craig run screaming to the nearest health club--French toast, biscuits and sausage gravy, grits, eggs, bacon, homefries, bagels with cream cheese, scones, cereal, oatmeal and coffee by the gallon.

Fatty’s is only open for one meal a year--New Year's Day Brunch, and Uncle Bubba is its head chef. Family, friends and guests who show up for Wayfarer House's annual New Year's Eve party and stay overnight get the added bonus of an early seat at Fatty's, where they can linger over the best of the smorgasbord in their pajamas. Others arrive throughout the morning, sampling offerings as they are prepared hot off the grill and enjoying the energy of a house rich with love and the smells of hearth and home.

This year, sadly, Uncle Bubba will be unable to see his tradition off the ground. I will act again as his humble replacement, with Wifeness and others acting as co-chefs. We promise to do you proud, Bubba!

1:00pm

Fatty’s has closed for another year, and people are usually on their way home. After all, people need to start gearing up for work the next day. For us at Wayfarer House, it’s mostly a matter of putting the furniture back where it was and making sure the leftovers go home with someone. We will have community dinner later, but for now, it’s chill time.

* More on my anniversary in the next post.

The 3-times rule

I get odd looks from people whenever I talk about this. It is in many respects quite different from the way many people run their own houses, so I can understand how it might need a little explanation.  Here goes...


The Wayfarer House 3-times Rule

The first three times you visit Wayfarer House you are considered a formal guest. As a guest, you are offered food and drink when you arrive, and you will be fully cared for during your visit and extended every courtesy. After this period of time, you are usually considered family and, therefore, extended all the rights and responsibilities of any familial member of Wayfarer House. Among these are the following:

The right to get it yourself. If you know where stuff is, you don’t need to ask. If you don’t know where it is, you can go searching for it.

The right to come and go as you will. For chrissake, stop standing and knocking at the damn door! Knock once if you want, but come in, already! Notice is usually given if we’re closed but and easy way to tell is to simply try the door. If the door is locked, we’re not home. If you know where the key is and you need to get in, use it.

The flip side to this right is that, if you are under the protection of the House and you go off on an adventure, you must always tell someone where you're and when you'll be back, so as not to worry anyone. The reason for this will be told someday, but suffice it to say that it was established for cause.

The right to use the equipment and facilities of the House. If you need it and we have it, ask. If we can, we’ll give it.

The responsibility to protect the sanctity and safety of the House and its family. You are looking out for more than just yourself now. You are part of a large and caring family, every member of which expects to feel supported, loved, and respected for themselves when they are here. Share of yourself freely, but don’t bring negativity into this place unless it’s to seek help in working through it.

The responsibility to be part of the life and culture of Wayfarer House. This means the big things like teaching the children about good ways to be and guiding us all with your wisdom, but it includes the mundane stuff, too. Trust us, there’s always some way to contribute around here and the only way we keep this thing going well is to have everyone help when and how they can.

The responsibility to keep coming. You’re family. We miss you when you’re not around! However long you’ve been away, whatever has happened in your life--good or bad--we love you and will welcome you with open arms.

Some notes about the 3-times rule:
• You can opt past the 3-times rule at any time. If you actually go and get something yourself, you’ve as much as said you’d like to be considered family; we will consider you such from then on.

• Anyone who sleeps over is automatically considered family. This is not a hotel.

• No one is required to accept the standing of family member at Wayfarer House. We’ve never really had it happen, but it would be presumptive not to say that you don’t have to join the fun if you don’t want to.

• This standing is not automatically granted to everyone who visits. If there’s a question in your mind, ask, but you will know if it’s not extended to you.

• People of venerable age or status are exempt from the 3-times rule.  They are always treated as honored guests, though they are still considered family.

How does the 3-times rule fit with the way you do things in your world? What do you do that’s the same or similar? Do you do things differently? How so? I’d love to hear people’s responses to this, if they’re willing to post them!

So, I’m asleep on the couch, dreaming...

OK, the fact that I am asleep on the couch is not uncommon. I often stay up well past midnight and, when I get tired, I just fall asleep wherever I find myself. That’s usually on the couch.

My wife has given up trying to get me to come to bed. She has employed all manner of coercion to convince me to move my sleeping to the traditional bedroom setting, but none have ever really been effective and so she has resigned herself to leaving me in the living room to whatever the fates will for me. I often wake up around 3am to find that she has closed down the house and gone to bed. I am left to navigate quietly through the darkness to take my place next to her, where I often find that she has taken her half out of the middle of the bed as revenge.

But I digress.

Let me start again: I’m dreaming. That’s the thing that’s important here. I don’t dream very often; at least, not so I remember it when I wake up. I’m just not terribly sensitive to my dreams. Every once in a while, though, I get one that’s vivid. Sometimes, they’re momentous, like the one where I learned my older daughter’s name--before she was born. Sometimes, they’re subconscious lessons for me. The following dream is neither of those:

I’m teaching in a traditional high school classroom. The desks all face toward the front. All the students are taking a test. I’m looking over their shoulders, and I can see that it is a multiple choice test. Then I look closer. It seems as though the answers to each of the questions on the test has a common answer.

The 16th president is…

a. Woodrow Wilson
b. Grover Cleveland
c. Abraham Lincoln
d. Ferguson J. Cat

The Civil War began in what year?

a. 1794
b. 1918
c. 1861
d. Ferguson J. Cat

This strikes me as odd because I cannot imagine why my cat would be listed as an answer on my test, but I convince myself that there must be some good reason for it. Maybe it’s some sort of twisted attempt to get a laugh out of the students. I’ve been known to do that.

I go back to looking over shoulders. As the class period goes along, I notice that the test is getting more and more strange.

The cubed root of 8 is…

a. 4
b. 2
c. Ferguson J. Cat
d. Ferguson J. Cat

Anchorage is the capital of…

a. Alaska
b. Ferguson J. Cat
c. Ferguson J. Cat
d. Ferguson J. Cat

The Earth is how many miles from the Sun?

a. Ferguson J. Cat
b. Ferguson J. Cat
c. Ferguson J. Cat
d. Ferguson J. Cat


What the hell??!?

My brain simply could no longer suspend its disbelief and I rose to the surface of consciousness.

It takes a moment for me to realize that Ferguson J. Cat is laying on top of me, her head tucked into my neck. She is stretched out all the way to my waist, basking in the relative warmth and comfort of me under the afgan.

Lesson of the day: Cats have the power to affect the subconscious.

I’m back.

I said I’d be back when grad school was done: It’s not done.

Not quite.

I’m close. Classes are done. I just have to compile material for my portfolio and finish my thesis. I say that like it’s a simple matter, but it’s not. Still, there is at least a pinhole of light at the end of the tunnel.

I should wait until I’m really done to start blogging again. I still have many miles to go before I sleep.

I just feel like I need to be back. I’ve missed this. I’ve discovered over the last year of this experiment that I get a lot out of writing, even if it’s mundane. It inspires me. It motivates me. I need that right now.

So, I’m back. I hope the wait wasn’t too long.

What have you done? (Part 3 of 3)

I have had this sitting around unfinished for some time, and I was compelled tonight to finish it. Here's the rest:

----------------------------

101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge

--I’ve driven over it, but not walked it. There’s a small rest area on the north side of the bridge (that is featured prominently in X-Men 3) that Wifeness and I stopped at to take pics and have a snack. It was a fond moment of a wonderful adventure!

102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking

--“Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand.”
“Just like that river twisting through a dusty land.”
“And when she shines she really shows you all she can”
“Oh, Rio, Rio! Dance across the Rio Grande…”

103. Had plastic surgery

--Hadn’t even had surgery at all until I was 36 years old. I’m not a looker, but I don’t need bigger boobs yet.

104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived

--Probably more times than I know. The universe takes very good care of me.

105. Wrote articles for a large publication

106. Lost over 100 pounds

107. Held someone while they were having a flashback

108. Piloted an airplane

--I did this!! A colleague of mine owns a plane and took me up for a little while. While we were up, he let me take the controls. It was nerve wracking, but a lot of fun! I can understand why people enjoy flying.

109. Petted a stingray

--No, and I’m a lot more nervous about doing it now since Steve Irwin showed us all what can happen when you do.

110. Broken someone’s heart

--I’m sorry to say, I have done this, and I work every day to pay the karmic debt incurred from doing so. I know what it feels like to have my heart broken, too.

111. Helped an animal give birth

--Does putting my arm all the way up to the elbow in cow vagina count? It sure is warm up there…

112. Won money on a T.V. game show

--No, but I got to do some graphics and sign work for Wheel of Fortune when they came to Las Vegas some years ago. I still have a bonus prize card blank!

113. Broken a bone

--I’ve busted a lot of my parts, but never broken a bone. I’m not sure how I’ve managed to avoid it, to be honest, but I’m grateful.

114. Gone on an African photo safari

--“Honey, what is that lion doing with that tire iron?”

115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced

--Neither below nor above. I suppose I wouldn’t be opposed to doing it, but I don’t know as I’d ever be motivated. I like the thought of having my tragus pierced. What do you think?

116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol

--Yes, yes and no.

117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild

--There’s a great story to be told someday about Mac, the old man who lived next to the farm where I grew up, and the walks we used to take in the woods to gather wild mushrooms and fiddleheads to bring back to his small cabin. He used to sauté the mushrooms in butter, then fry liver with them, adding the fiddleheads at the end to blanch them. To this day, it is the only way I’ve ever eaten liver that I liked.

118. Ridden a horse

--A couple of times, when I was young. I’ve had better luck with work horses. We used to have a horse. Her name was Dolly and she was HUGE. We used her to haul wood out of the woods. She could drag a 16’ length of hackmatack pine like it was a tin can!

119. Had major surgery

--Yes, I have. [Here’s the story…]

120. Had a snake as a pet

121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon

122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours

--I remember once, after staying up for nearly 70 hours straight, sleeping for 2 consecutive stretches of 12 hours each, waking up just long enough to pee and eat cereal. I’m sure the other 4 hours were in there, somewhere, too.

123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states

--U.S. States: 25
--The World: 11

124. Visited all 7 continents

--3 down, 3 to go (Antarctica and all its cold can kiss my ass.)

125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days

--Several times. I’m hoping to take SiSi on her first overnight canoe trip next summer.

126. Eaten kangaroo meat

--Does it taste like chicken?

127. Eaten sushi

--Tastes like fish, not chicken.

128. Had your picture in the newspaper

--I’ll have to look for an archive of one to share.

129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about

--I feel like the answer to this is “yes”, but I can’t honestly think of an instance. If anyone out there has one, I’d love to hear it!

130. Gone back to school

--Present tense. Until January.

131. Parasailed

132. Petted a cockroach

--With a rolled up newspaper! Hard! Repeatedly!

133. Eaten fried green tomatoes

Yes. They weren’t great.

134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey

--No, but I get credit for reading Umberto Eco in his original (and, may I say, obfuscatory) Italian.

135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read

--Ralph Ellison. I was intrigued by Invisible Man, and decided I needed to take some time with it. I’m glad I did.

136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

--I believe that everyone should do this once, and because they will go hungry if they don’t. I have a much deeper appreciation for what I eat and why because of it. That’s not to say that I don’t value vegetarianism as a choice. I just think it’s good to understand deep down why you choose to eat what you do.

137. Skipped all your school reunions

--So far. Is anyone out there going to their 20th at Lee Academy?

138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language

--I had a great time trying to communicate with small children in a tribe of indigenous people in the Brazilian jungle when I was there. I was impressed at how hard it was!

139. Been elected to public office

--If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve.

140. Written your own computer language

141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream

--All the time! It’s great!

142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care

-- I certainly won’t have to put my parents into hospice. They’ll just ride off into the sunset.

143. Built your own PC from parts

144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you

145. Had a booth at a street fair

146: Dyed your hair

147: Been a DJ

148: Shaved your head

--I always said I would at the first sign I was going bald. I’m still waiting…

149: Caused a car accident

150: Saved someone’s life

--You’re welcome, Fred.

Wayfarer Journal is on Hiatus...

I'm sorry, but I have to set blogging aside for a while.

I have a Master's degree to finish, and I have a full plate on top of that. Something has to give.

I'll be back soon, though.

It'll be worth the wait. There's lots to tell!

Random Radio…

I travel with the rest of my house to the seacoast area of NH on a fairly regular basis. My car radio has two FM bands, so I can have two groups of preset stations on it. One is for my home area, and the other is for when I’m in NH. Sometime in the early summer of this year I was looking for something new to listen to. I wasn’t sure what I really wanted, but I knew that none of the stations I have as presets were offering it. I stumbled upon 93.7 Mike FM by accident, but fell in love with it instantly. It’s just about the only station I listen to when I’m in NH or near Boston. Sadly, they don't reach all the way to where I live in western MA, but they do broadcast online, so I can enjoy them on the couch while I'm laptopping. Praise Jesus for the internet!!

Do you listen to online radio? Do you listen to any radio at all, or is it all about the iPod? Do tell!

What have you done? (Part 2 of 3)

51. Visited Ireland

52. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love

--I’ve been married to a woman I love very much for almost 12 years, so even counting all the separate periods of brokenheartedness I’ve had (not that there have been many, mind you), I come nowhere near saying yes to this.

53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them

--No, but what a nice idea! I don’t see all that many people dining alone, though. Certainly, I don’t get to dine alone myself all that often either these days, but I like the idea of this one.

54. Visited Japan

--Not yet, but as a student of Buddhism, this would be a real experience. I’d do it on my way to the Shaolin Temple in the Songshan Mountains of China.

55. Milked a cow

--There is something very special about the feeling of your head resting in the warm spot just between her abdomen and her leg, and feeling her lean into you just a little as you begin to milk her. It’s a very special sort of shared experience.

56. Alphabetized your cds

--I have done it once or twice, but I remember better where each one is at by its place in the pile. Just don’t move the pile!

57. Pretended to be a superhero

--I led a very rich internal life as a child.

58. Sung karaoke

--I’ll dance all day and be goofy in public, but my singing is much more personal to me. Something about karaoke just doesn’t make me feel right.

59. Lounged around in bed all day

--Glorious!!

60. Posed nude in front of strangers

--I’m not sure anyone needs to see what I’ve got, but I’m not afraid to lay it out there.

61. Gone scuba diving

--I would love to, though!

62. Kissed in the rain

--[again with the coy smile]

63. Played in the mud

--Playing soccer in the rain is some of the most fun I have ever had in my life! You can slide tackle someone and go for 20 yards! Whoo! Righteous!

64. Played in the rain

--See #63, above.

65. Gone to a drive-in theater

--I watched Nightwing (killer bats attack an Indian reservation in New Mexico) when I was 10 years old. NOT the movie to see outdoors, from the top of a VW Combi, at a drive-in with bats flying all around.

66. Visited the Great Wall of China

--I’ll do it on the way to #54

67. Started a business

--Not in the truest sense. I took over my dad’s independent sign business and ran it for 3 years or so. I learned graphic design through that experience, but the erratic paychecks made it tough to continue without making a huge commitment.

68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken

--See #52.

69. Toured ancient sites.

--Pompeii and Herculaneum, Siracusa.

70. Taken a martial arts class

--Helped start the Lohan School of Shaolin.

71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight

--See the following… Orcs and Cheese Doodles

72. Gotten married

…at least once!

73. Been in a movie

--On TV a couple of times, but not on the big screen.

74. Crashed a party

75. Gotten divorced

…only once!

76. Gone without food for 5 days

--Twice. Once because I had the flu in Brazil and couldn’t so much as get out of bed. Once when I had my gallbladder out.

77. Made cookies from scratch

--My wife makes world famous cookies, so I don’t do it anymore.

78. Won first prize in a costume contest

79. Ridden a gondola in Venice

80. Gotten a tattoo

--I’ve never really found anything that was worth having permanently and indelibly scratched into me. I’m not above doing it, though, if the right thing comes along.

81. Gone white water rafting

See #31.

82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”

--Pfft!

83. Got flowers for no reason

--Not flowers, no.

84. Performed on stage

--Lots of times. The process of putting on a show is just too damn stressful.

85. Been to Las Vegas

--Visited from 1992-1998. Loved it there! Hell, it’s summer 330 days a year!

86. Recorded music

87. Eaten shark

--Does it taste like chicken?

88. Had a one-night stand

--Was asked to have one once. I practically ran away. Of course, the cold sore on her lip probably had something to do with that.

89. Gone to Thailand

90. Bought a house

--Bought a mortgage. I get the house in 1,000 years.

91. Been in a combat zone

--Only in the area that used to be the Combat Zone in Boston, and that was by mistake.

92. Buried one/both of your parents

--My parents will disappear quietly into the sunset when it is their time. I am not afraid to bury them, but I’ll be surprised if I have to.

93. Been on a cruise ship

--I have no desire to do a cruise, but I would totally get passage to someplace like Europe on a freighter or something. That’s my kind of experience!

94. Spoken more than one language fluently

--With perfect fluency? No. The levels at which I speak the six languages I know range from OK to Very Good, depending on how often I’m called to use them. French and Spanish top the list right now because I teach them. My German “sogt”.

95. Performed in Rocky Horror

96. Raised children

--Working on it, anyway.

97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour

98. Created and named your own constellation of stars

99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country

--I very much want to tour Europe by bike (I’ve done a couple of tours in the US).

100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over

--Moving to Las Vegas was sort of for that reason, but it’s complicated. Someday, perhaps, that story will get told, too.

Countdown to M.Ed. -- 2 courses.

One of them is a research class. Action research. Sounds all superhero-y doesn’t it?

Action research is the kind done to directly affect current practice (in my case, teaching practice), so it’s supposed to have something to do with what I’m doing in my classroom currently. I’m not doing anything relative to my current teaching, though. Instead, I’m doing research on teaching practices in schools and programs that work primarily with foster/adopted children, in preparation to start the Community School. More on that in a later post.

I have things about my current teaching I could explore, but I’ve been so thoroughly disgusted with my teaching this year that examining it objectively would just be too irritating.

I’ll admit it. It was a tough year. Being gone the first two months of the year, then trying to make up for that lost time while still trying to figure out which way is up with graduate school kicking back in and No Child Left Behind rearing its useless, ugly head.

I feel like my students didn’t learn a god. damn. thing.

Worse than that is the nagging, gnawing feeling I have that I didn’t teach them anything. They went through this whole year and got nothing worthwhile from me, and when I look back at why, there is so little that I can honestly say I could have done differently. I don’t have any problem taking responsibility for my teaching, and I’ll own up to the fact that I made decisions that meant my teaching was less inspired because I had other things to do, but it happened the way it had to. I’m not happy with it, though, and I’m carrying a little resentment at having to make decisions that don’t support the part of my life that really nourishes my soul.

Maybe that’s what I should have researched: The effect of real-world bullshit on veteran World Language teachers. I could call my thesis paper “Conneries and Sandeces”*

* The words for “bullshit” in French and Spanish, respectively.

What have you done? (Part 1 of 3)

Wifeness posted to her site a list of 150 life-changing experiences, and bolded those she has done. I enjoy reliving my adventures and this was a fun exercise, so I’m adding it here. I have to do it in segments, though. Here is part 1. The ones I did are in blue …

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
--Not when beer is $4 a glass!

02. Swam with wild dolphins
--Does swimming with a wild Miami Dolphin fan count?

03. Climbed a mountain
--I’ve done this lots of times. My reward for reaching the top? Taking a good, long look at the panoramic vista laid out before me, then go find a shady spot to take a nap.

04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
--It was a Porsche, not a Ferrari, and it was wicked!

05. Been inside the Great Pyramid

06. Held a tarantula
--I had one when I was a kid. It was in a jar of formaldehyde. I think it was a present from my dad.

07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
--[smiles coyly]

08. Said ‘I love you’ and meant it
--I mean it every single time. Don’t say things you don’t mean. It’s, well, demeaning.

09. Hugged a tree
--It’s really quite nurturing to the soul. I highly recommend it!

10. Bungee jumped
--HELL no!

11. Visited Paris
--Several times and it has been magical every, single time. It is among my favorite places to travel, especially with students.

12. Watched a lightning storm at sea

13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
--Isn’t that what all-nighters in college were for? I also used to work the graveyard audit shift. It killed me. I could never get my biorhythms tuned just right.

14. Seen the Northern Lights

15. Gone to a huge sports game
--Does an early game of the World Cup count? (thank you, Wifeness! That was the best birthday present EVAH!)

16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
--No, and was I bitter! The tower was closed when I was in Pisa. I do, however, have some great photos of the duomo, the tower and this Spanish girl being mobbed for her little bag of popcorn by 45,000 pigeons

17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
--I lived on a small farm for part of my childhood. We also grow a paltry amount of produce at Wayfarer House (the count from the garden this year includes several salads worth of lettuce, a handful of cherry-sized tomatoes that SiSi ate as soon as she saw them and 3 cucumbers).

18. Touched an iceberg
--I’d do it, but I’d much prefer to touch a palm tree!

19. Slept under the stars
--I love to do that! I’m eagerly awaiting the chance to take my kids out camping. I have not been since Wifeness and I went desert camping before we had kids, and I miss it.

20. Changed a baby’s diaper
--Enough to change a landfill. Have I mentioned that NiNi is out of them, as of about 3 weeks ago? Gods be praised! Of course Buffy and Harold just brought a new baby into the house, so the number of children in diapers still equals two, but at least they’re not MY children.

21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
--No, but unlike #10, above, I think I would enjoy this.

22. Watched a meteor shower
--During an event covered under #13, above. It involved, as coincidence would have it, libation covered under #23, below.

23. Gotten drunk on champagne
--I have never been drunk. No, really. I never have. I have felt the buzz from alcohol, but nothing more than that. You see, I have this curious relationship with spirits. I get drowsy very quickly and lose my taste for it when I begin to have too much. I think it’s somehow related to the mechanism that leaves me intolerant of most drugs (including Sudafed and cough syrup).

24. Given more than you can afford to charity
--If anything, we don’t give enough to formal charity, but we work hard to give in different ways to different people, according to what we have in quantity. Charity should not always be monetary.

25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope.
--UncleBubba had one when we lived in Las Vegas. The moon looked bigger, but not stunningly so. I decided it wasn’t worth the money to buy one.

26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
--There’s a great story about this from my time as a phone canvasser for the League of Conservation Voters. It involves me and Shirley, an inadvertent punch of her speakerphone button and, at top volume and just as a generous supporter of the organization has answered her phone, the theme to The Muppet Show. I couldn’t help it, and worse, I could NOT stop!!

27. Had a food fight
--Michelle’s parents are probably still finding chocolate chip cookie batter in their kitchen from that day 21 years ago!

28. Bet on a winning horse
--My karma does not allow me to win often when I gamble.

29. Asked out a stranger
--Not a complete stranger, but I did once get the nerve to ask a girl out who was staying for several weeks at the hotel where I was working. Summed up in the event covered under #22, above.

30. Had a snowball fight
--It’s all fun and games until someone (usually me) loses an eye.

31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly could
--While negotiating whitewater on the St. Croix river. You have to scream like that at the end. It’s a law. Plus, it feels really good!

32. Held a lamb
--Not on the farm where I grew up, though. We didn’t raise sheep. We did raise goats, though, and there are a couple of times when I would sit in the early morning by the wood stove with a newborn kid in my lap. They smell pungent, but not unpleasant.

33. Seen a total eclipse
--Well, not directly, of course! That would be silly! You’d burn your eyes out and go blind! Or is that that other thing you're not supposed to do...?

34. Ridden a roller coaster
--One time. Never again. See #10, above.

35. Hit a home run
--Two. Including a grand slam, no less!

36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
--I could deny this, but I have way too many students as witnesses to confirm it. “Uh, Wayfarer, you need to stop that and NEVER DO IT AGAIN.”

37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
--I do this regularly for shorter periods of time (my kids tell me to “talk in your regular voice, please!”), but the only time I can think about that was for that long was during a trip last year to England. It was to practice. I was surprised how hard it was to do for all day!

38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
--I can honestly say I feel this way far more often than I do not. I am blessed to be living a life of my choosing, in keeping with my karma, that brings me incalculable contentment and stimulation.

39. Had two hard drives for your computer
--At work, yes. I don’t need two at home. I just don’t need that much space.

40. Visited all 50 states.
--If we interpret “visit” to mean getting out of the car and spending at least 3 hours walking around, the number is 22. I have driven through 33, to date.

41. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
--Thank the universe, no. I’m a sympathetic vomiter.

42. Had amazing friends
--Had?? Have!!

43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
It’s how I learned the lambada!

44. Watched wild whales

45. Stolen a sign
--If you know me from college, do NOT comment on this one!

46. Backpacked in Europe
--Fred and I went from Rome to Paris over the course of a month.

47. Taken a road-trip
--Armstrong, Ontario or BUST! (it ended up bust, but the actual adventure more than made up for it)

48. Gone rock climbing
--Red Rock, NV; St. George, UT. Look, Ma! No ropes!

49. Midnight walk on the beach
--Adrianna and I walked on the cape one night during spring break. Don’t get the wrong idea, here. It was totally platonic.

50. Gone sky diving
--Again, HELL no!

Installment two coming soon!

Finally, some room to breathe!

It’s mid-August and grad school is done. Well, actually, it’s not done. It’s more like halftime. I’ve got two weeks to get to the locker room, cool off, regroup. Maybe get some orange juice. Then, it’s back out onto the field for one more semester. Going into the locker room, I can say I’m ahead—by a healthy margin. That’s good. Protecting the lead, though, means doing a whole lot of research over the next 3-4 months. I’m looking forward to it, but it’s going to mean a lot of crazybusy and I am very determined to be finished by Christmas. There can be no overtime. My constitution won’t take it. I’ve been doing this for two years while working full time, coaching, being a papa and surviving a more-exciting-than-necessary near death experience (it sounds weird to say that, but it was). I’m tired, and I want the game to be over when the whistle blows.

Hey! That soccer analogy wasn’t so bad!

I have had to let a great many things slide over the last 8 months—certification review, school prep, house work, yard work, paperwork, a partridge in a pear tree... I’m not excited about everything that’s going to be waiting for me during Christmas vacation to catch up on, but I’m just not interested in doing anything that I have to work too hard at during these two weeks I have off. Blog writing, at least, does not qualify as taxing. Truth be told, it’s kind of therapeutic. I’ve always enjoyed being able to get things out of my brain through writing and it’s been tough not to really take the time to do that properly the last little while.

It’s so great to finally have this time! I’ve been reveling since Wednesday (the day I submitted the Review of Literature for my thesis) in being able to do some of the most mundane things. I cooked dinner for the first time in, like, six months. A nice dinner, too, if I do say so myself. Of course, the kids didn’t like the summer squash. Apparently, you just can’t put enough butter on summer squash to make it appealing to the under-5 set. I mowed the lawn before it threatened to overrun the house, and I mowed it at a time that wasn’t the hottest part of the day. I got to rent a movie and actually watch it. The Name of the Rose. A classic of literature by Umberto Eco that was made into a movie in the 80’s. I read the book when I was in high school, but I haven’t seen the film in a long time. Christian Slater is in it and he looks about 12 years old. It has the campy look to it that all movies from the 80’s now do (what does that say for ME??!), but the attention to detail is incredible, and it’s great fodder for the fiction writing I play with. I even got to go disc golfing yesterday. There’s a course about 30 minutes away, and I was able to get in a round while my kids were off with Suzanne. I’m going kayaking on Monday. I got one for my birthday in July, but I’ve only had time to go out briefly once. I have two weeks to go out 3 days a week, and I’m totally looking forward to it.

That’s the extent of my vacation. A lot of people claim that it’s unfair that teachers get their summers off. I try not to get on my soapbox about it, but in the 10 years I’ve been teaching, I have NEVER had more than 3 weeks off from school. I can’t vouch for the rest of the people in my profession, but I, for one, don’t get to just walk away from my job during vacations. I’m always reworking lesson plans, searching for materials, trying to do things better, faster, stronger. I’d much rather do that and have the nine months of teaching go smoothly than I would relax for those few short extra weeks and have the rest of the year be a disorganized pain in the butt. The 10 weeks I was out this past year, for example, made this the most stressful, frenetic school year I have ever had. It absolutely wore me out! I hope never to have to repeat that.

...and the New Car comes in--with accessories!

After extended research and a short survey of what was available for purchase within our budget, I decided on the following.





Those of you who know what I drove before are undoubtedly scratching your heads in wonderment.

A station wagon? Really??

I'll admit she was not my first choice, but let us review what the requirements were. [Click Here]. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Based on these criteria, I got what I wanted. This car meets ALL of wifeness' requirements (although the ugly factor is, I suppose, a matter of personal preference, she did not say it was too ugly to drive.). It also meets ALL BUT ONE of my own (there was NOTHING out there with a sunroof! What the crap?!?! Who wouldn't want a sunroof??).

She is a decided step down from the 4-Runner, but given the budget constraints and the fact that, frankly, an SUV doesn't meet my driving needs (I drive 70+ highway miles a day during school and no off-road driving), she presents a perfectly good solution. The biggest downside is the POS stereo. I'm grateful for the cassette player because I listen to books on tape a lot, but who doesn't put a CD player in a 2001 model of any car out there?? Come on! Oh, well. Christmas is coming. (hint, hint, Wifeness :] )

Also, please note the birthday present on the top of my new ride. A great big thank you to Wifeness for organizing the funds to pay for it, and to Caleb and Maeve and AuntieAlex for contributing to my sanity! I've been wanting a kayak for a while because our 14' canoe is just too big and bulky to take out alone. This one is much smaller (9'6") and much lighter (39 lbs). It's just perfect for me to take out for an afternoon of flatwater exploration! It's not really a whitewater boat and is not real fast in stronger current, but I don't do much of that stuff. Right now, all I really want is to go find a lake or stretch of quiet water on a river and poke around. In a couple of years, I hope to add to the fleet a longer boat I can use to do overnights and ocean touring. By then, maybe I'll have time.

5 Things (+1 Thing)...

Perhaps out of a desire to move beyond the stress of my paper, I was inspired by Chili’s post to think about the things that make me happy to be alive. Here are just some of the countless things (in no particular order):

1. Summer. Give me summer with all its warmth and sun, its long days and electric nights! I am invigorated, recharged and comforted all at the same time by this time of year. I just spend a lot of time sighing contentedly. It’s the season when I get things done, but when I don’t work too hard. I love to go outside and be active, but I also get to be introspective and read for pleasure (well, most years). I get to go for walks at 10pm without wearing long pants. I can go swimming outdoors! Not that the other seasons don’t have things I like, too, but summer is just so much better, so much more RIGHT. I enjoy spring and all its vibrant energy. Fall is nice, especially because the cozy clothes come out. Winter can just kiss my ass.

2. My time with the Wayfarer Community. More days of the week than not, I get to share space with at least one person (apart, of course, from my lovely wife and my darling daughters) whose presence brings me joy. I love it that there are so many wonderful people in my house all the time, and that they truly feel at home here! I love that they contribute to the peace and sanctity of Wayfarer House by sharing themselves by just being who they are. I love that Community Dinner means a whole lot of friends, food and fellowship. Each one of these people is a blessing of incalculable worth, and I work very hard both to nurture and celebrate them. If you’re a member of the Wayfarer Community, thank you! If you’re not, you totally should be! We’re a hoot!

3. The things I do to be creative. Muppetry, woodworking, writing and DnD are just some of the things that enrich my life. Sadly, of late I have not been able to do any of them because my time is necessarily committed to other endeavors (I need to be done with grad school!!!!) I enjoy being creative. It wakens all of me in a way that is difficult to describe.

4. Travel. Another of the things that have had to be sacrificed of late. In my lifetime, I have been to some of the most beautiful places on this planet, had some of the most exciting experiences and met some of the most interesting and amazing people because I said, “What the hell! I’ve never been there before…” Here are just some of the things I’ve seen and done:
--Swarms of jellyfish in Florida
--4 lanes of 90km/h traffic on a 2-lane Italian country road
--Getting burglarized at knife point while waiting for the bus in Bahia
--Spending the night in Victoria Station, London
--Taking a train through a forest fire in Texas
--The sun setting over the perfectly conical island of Stromboli
--Being babied by Mormon girls while crossing the English channel during a perfect storm
--Playing soccer with Brazilians
--Learning to play bridge from someone who you would totally adopt as your grandma
--Learning to dance the lambada from someone who you would totally NOT consider your grandma
--Sitting at the base of the basilica at Sacré Coeur with throngs of Parisians while eating rotisserie chicken with your students and watching the street vendors scatter like roaches when the light switch is flipped because the local constables are trying to round them up
--Watching real roaches scatter every time I opened the front door to my flat that overlooked the Presidential Palace in Rio de Janeiro--big, mutant, junkie roaches.

What wonderful memories!

5. Teaching. This is sort of explained in #s 3 and 4, above, but it’s more than being creative or sharing experience. It’s also kind of doing right by all the blessings I have been given in my life. It’s a karmic thing, in the way Rama-Kandra explains it in Matrix: Revolutions…

“Karma is a word…A way of saying 'what I am here to do.'

6. The Women of Wayfarer House. I’m a guy and don’t do mushy real well for public consumption, but my wife and daughters touch my heart in ways that continually amaze me. I meditate sometimes about my life before and I recall lots of good memories, but my life is so much more rich and satisfying now that I am with them. They are good karma and I am a better man, a better teacher, a better husband and father, a better lots of things for their presence in my life. To finish Rama-Kandra’s quote:

“I do not resent my karma – I am grateful for it. Grateful for my wonderful wife, for my beautiful daughters*. They are gifts, and so I do what I must do to honour them.”

I cannot hope to honour them as well as they do me, but I consider it a happy challenge to try.

* sic

I am SOOOO tired!

I have a single paper to finish for this session of graduate school, and it's kicking my ass. I want it to be done, but I'm finding myself dragging it out because I'm just not capable of using my brain any longer. That's all I want to say.

Happy Birthday, Love Dad...

My father sent me a card from Florida and told me to get me one of these for my birthday on him... Thanks, Dad! It was yummy!


And thanks to Alex for providing the wonderful conversation that went along with it. I had a great time!

It's All-About-Me Day!

...to me! I am 37 today.

Forza Italia! (World Cup images)

Vincono Gli Azzurri!!

Congratulazioni ai campioni del mondo!

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Mais, pourquoi, Zizou?!?

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Acho que não. Brasil va embora...

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Die nächste große Hoffnung für Amerika?

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No más...

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I can't wait!!

World Cup Takes To The Links...

For those of you who don't know, I have been actively following the World Cup of Soccer. Thanks to the Spanish language network Univision, I have able to watch (or record) nearly all of the games live. Apart from being able to passionately engage in my one true fanatacism related to sports, I get to experience the games in a language--and from the point of view of a culture--that is as as wild about the sport, and this event, as I am.

If you've ever watched international soccer, especially if it's broadcast on a foreign language network, you will agree that there is a more intense energy to the way it is announced than you'll ever hear on ABC or ESPN. Announcers are enthusiastic in describing even the most mundane action and, whenever the ball gets close to the goal, the tone of the announcers rises and becomes more fervent, rising to a crescendo as the player takes the shot and, if he scores, you'll hear the most recognizable sound in international sports simultaneously on televisions and on the lips of viewers in living rooms, restaurants, bars and offices all over the world...

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!

SiSi, my four-year old daughter, has been an eager student of soccer during this time. She has learned a great deal about soccer as a sport, and has been taken a real interest in watching the World Cup on television. She asks about why the players fall down so much and pretend to be hurt ("Did he get a pain in his leg THIS time, Papa?") and knows how to recognize when the ball goes out of bounds, what happens during a penalty kick and what to shout when the ball goes into the net...

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!

This weekend, the U.S. Women's Open golf tournament was held in Newport, Rhode Island. The final round of this event was broadcast on network television, and Wifeness had the television tuned to it as background noise while she napped on the couch. She wasn't feeling well that day. Both girls were home, and had been playing in their bedroom. SiSi came into the living room to watch some TV just as Annika Sorenstam sank the 12th hole for birdie. She watched this happen and did what she thought she was supposed to do. She raised her arms and, in true World Cup style, announced...

The old car goes out...

I posted some time ago about the fact that my truck was on its way out. Well, she went and, in true Wayfarer House fashion, did it with style and in a way that you would never have figured.

It all happened on the last day of school for me. June 30th. A beautiful day, and a productive one! My grades were in. My classroom was clean and packed (they were due to clean out the space to do some construction). My truck was loaded to the gills with the stuff that comes home for the summer (Mbungo, plants, calendar, videos, texts and work to review, my podium that needs to have the top rebuilt, etc.), and I was thinking about what to make for supper that night as I pulled off the highway up the ramp to the stop sign to get on the back road that takes me to home. That's when she stalled.

I said, "That's odd. I haven't stalled my truck in years." Then I tried to start her again. She wanted to. She really wanted to, but the smoke started billowing from under the hood and I just knew this was the end. The thing was, I was in a tricky place. This off ramp has a little bit of a bend to it that makes it tough to see too far ahead as your approaching the stop sign. It was a busy traffic day and lots of people were exiting from the highway waaaaaay too fast. Not a good place to die, baby.

I quickly call AAA. I tell them in a calm, but urgent voice where I am, and that I'd appreciate it if they'd get someone here a little faster than they normally do since my truck's fat ass is hanging out in the street about to be chopped off by a logging truck. They say, "Mr. Wayfarer, did you know that your membership expires today?"

I borrowed a phrase from Chili. "You're kidding me, right?" Is it STILL good? Yeah? Then how about you get the *&@#% tow truck out here! I'll worry about where the check went when I'm not about to be run over, OK?

Then comes the fun part. Trying to communicate where I am.

"I'm on the northbound off-ramp, at the end, by the stop sign."

"OK. And which direction are you going?" (Can you tell where this is headed?)

The entire ten minute conversation went like this. Eventually, I just told her to send the truck to a nearby truckstop and I'd direct him by cell phone if he was as feebleminded as she was (I was more polite on the phone. Can you imagine the karmic debt that would come from saying that to her?). Once I was off the phone with her, I called 911. To my incredible surprise, they were aware that I was stranded and had already dispatched someone to investigate. He arrived within a minute after I had spoken with dispatch. The best part? He even called the tow company and told them to get a move on! The tow truck arrived in less than 10 minutes after that!

Now that's prompt service, people!

Wifeness and I stripped my truck of all it's personal items why it lay bleeding oil in the dealership parking lot. Now, I don't have personal attachments to my vehicles, but this process always seems a little sad to me. Sort of like moving out of an apartment, I get this small amount of melancholy, but without the anticipation of moving to a new place. When I closed the driver's side door for the last time, I could not help but pat her on the hood and say thank you for the 10 good years and 120,000 she had served so well.

My next car will not be her equal.

PS: I had the garage to a check under the hood just to determine cause of death. It was not, they said, anything that was wrong with it from before. Rather, an entirely new and undiagnosable problem was the culprit that, much like everything else that was wrong, would cost some $750 to fix.

How many $750 problems can one car have before it dies? The answer: 4.