Saturday, April 4, 2009

Nature Abhors a Vacuum

Do you ever experience a lack of connection and purpose when you’ve been focusing on something for a long time, and then it’s not there anymore? How do you deal with that piece of your attention that is now, well, not attending to anything?

I’ve learned that all the things I do are all interconnected and, when one goes away, the others inevitably suffer. This whole drama with soccer has left that part of my brain without something to work on, and it’s causing all the rest of the stuff I carry around in there to float, flit and fly around, and in general prove impossible to focus on.

I managed to get grades written, but being in the classroom has been a waste of time for everyone. I’ve been able to get out and exercise a little here and there, but I’m struggling to truly devote energy to it like I know I need to. Ditto the reading and writing I should be doing for the Community School. Ditto the yard and house work. Ditto, well, everything.

I’m not depressed, really. I’m tired today, but that’s because SiSi woke up (dressed, backpacked and raring to go to music class) at 7am. Music class is at 9:30. I went to bed at 1am. Depression is not a factor here. Rather, it’s that all the pieces of my world, which until recently fit together snugly and comfortably, are now rattling around loose like a case of soda cans in the back of my car with one can missing.

I need to find some way to put all the soda cans back in the case so they don’t move around.

That’s today’s work.


Kizz said...

I was going to say something about would it be ok to try and learn to live with a "free space" where one of the sodas had been but then I thought again about that hilarious picture of SiSi and realized that she didn't just lick her sense of purpose off the wall.

Wayfarer said...

True, that.

LB said...

Hey Mr. Wayfarer, it might be thyroid issues. Having met you a few times, I'd suggest a check up.

The other test that ties to thyroid is pernicious anemia, low B-12. It's one blood test and and you can trust the results. About 5 % of the time, low thyroid is masking a pernicious anemia thing, B12 takes care of that. You can take oral supplements up to a point, or self inject, that's what I do.
If your doc isn't willing to test, get another doc. My nurse practitioner now tests every hypothyroid patient for B-12 issues and is finding that 10% of us fall into that B-12 deficient catagory. I'm just suggesting some options here. B-12 is important and is tied to thyroid, just sayin'.

I agree, this might be looking like depression for you, and it might be. At this point, for me, it's B-12, I am much healthier with it in my system.

Talk with your docs.

Mrs. Chili said...

You just beautifully described the definition of "at loose ends."