Pushing Through

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. Lots of little stuff mostly. Seems like whenever I sit down to put it into words, it seems daunting and, since I’m already tired when I get to it, I decide the required effort is just too great. Today, I’m going to push through that. In no particular order, then...

Karla and I went to the Community College today to meet with the financial aid guru. We’re trying to get her declared independent so she can qualify for enough grant aid to take classes. The meeting went very well. Dennis listened to Karla’s story and was quite confident that, with a modicum of documentation, she would meet the criteria for a dependency override. The thing that struck me about this meeting, though, was how nervous she was and, more importantly, her response to my observation of that fact. I suspect I’m going to put her on the defensive by even writing about it here (and I’m sorry if that’s the case), but I was so surprised to hear her deny it that I was left to wonder how many other people in the world do the same thing. I know of several people who suffer from varying degrees of anxiety disorders. They are seemingly flung all over the place by their unsupported fears, terrified, out of control, and feeling powerless. Yet, I have come to understand that one always has a choice about how to respond to and deal with fears. If we would move past them, we have several choices: We can cave into them, struggle with them, accept them, or work around them. Whichever decision we make, we always have the choice and we make it over and over again throughout our lives, and it is important to understand that we are not bound to make the same choice forever. We have the capacity to deal with our fears any way we choose. I find the choice to deny that they exist an odd one for the simple reason that doing so inhibits us from moving past them. Perhaps this is a separate post on its own…

Lots of my alumni have been in touch recently, and it is good to hear how they’re doing. Ellen is headed to Spain, Nikki to Turkey. Several have come home to visit, or are doing so soon. Jen P. will be back from Germany in a couple of weeks. We saw Courtney when she was back from Chicago. Dani and Joe were here not long ago from New York. Jennie is due back sometime from the west coast. I was sad not to see Jen K. and her new baby when she was here visiting, but all reports are that she is doing well in Texas. Even Kate, whom I haven’t heard from in many, many years, touched base recently. She’s about to take the bar exam. Break a Law Review, Kate!

I am eternally grateful to Wheeler, who came up last weekend to help me get some home improvement work done and ended up doing battle with the spirits of the house who, apparently, did not appreciate his efforts. It was supposed to be a fairly simple matter to replace the kitchen faucet. What was originally a 30-minute job turned into a 5-HOUR ordeal that included replacing both shut-off valves under the sink and a section of drain pipe in the basement, shutting off the water to the entire house while still managing to have flow in the pipes an hour later, nearly burning the place down (the story is better if we say that, Wheeler) and cramming both of us into the space underneath the sink. The story is one of those minor epics that always seem to come during home improvement projects, and is better shared in person. Why is it that home improvement projects so often fall into the “minor epic” category?

Chili’s mom is nearing death, and a student at my school (not one from my classes, but one I know) is coming back haltingly from the brink. My heart goes out to both of them and to the people who sacrifice so much of themselves to care for them. Such work necessarily affects a great many people (it’s truly amazing just how many lives we touch in a direct and powerful way) and the balancing act of keeping all the parts of all these worlds turning smoothly is a complicated and arduous task.

My first triathlon takes place on Sunday, and I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, there are many positives. I am physically stronger and faster than last year, and I have equipment that will allow me to be more competitive (yay for wetsuits). On the other hand, some apprehensions exist. I still have not reached my low weight from last year (although I have managed to melt 7 of the 10 lbs. I gained over the winter during July). The rest of me looks and feels fit, but the fact that I still carry this inner-tube around my waist is really starting to annoy me. Also, and not related to weight or fat, I cannot seem to get comfortable with the course. I’ve done enough open water swimming to feel secure about that leg of the race, but the bike and run are truly worrisome. I’ve tried a whole host of approaches to the ride in an attempt to bring my times in at what I think they should be, and the best I’ve gotten is a fractional gain and a body that is not happy. I just can’t seem to get the rhythm of the bike leg down and it makes me nervous that I’m going to kill myself before I’ve even hit the run. The run. The hardest part of the race for me. I’m fitter for it than I was last year, but it remains my biggest obstacle. This course, particularly, is a test because of the hills involved. I want to conquer it in a decent time, but none of my test runs of the course have given me a lot to feel confident about. I will be happy to have improved on last year’s performance, but I won’t feel the race was truly successful if it’s not well done. Does that make sense?

I'm still working through the issues presented in the latest Community School post. I'm running out of time, so I'll have to finish that post either later tonight or tomorrow. Until then...