Monday, January 1, 2007

What a wonderful ride!

I have been married to my lovely wife for 12 years. They have been wonderful years, and I want the world to know that I am truly blessed to have spent them with her. Our anniversary is really a celebration of the day we decided to share our adventure with everyone. In keeping with that idea, I’d like to take a moment to tell you some of why that adventure has been so much fun.

I’m not effusively romantic, especially in my public writing; you won’t see me gush on about how my wife completes me, how she is beautiful and supportive, how she is an outstanding mother to my daughters and how she makes life worth living. All of these are true, of course, but those who know me know I don’t make a production out of professing my love. It is only important to me that my wife also knows this, and I try to honor her by showing her each and every day how grateful I am that she and I are more than just a married couple--we are best friends.

Our relationship has been defined, almost from the very beginning, as one of friendship. We lived near each other in the early days that we knew each other and we would spend a lot of time in each other’s company talking about life, the things we had in common (we have always had many of the same interests) and the things we’d like to do, see and know. We found out we shared an interest for travel, and we would spend hours trading stories about our journeys and escapades. Indeed, we found we had a lot to share with each other and, even after I moved away, we continued to call and write. She is a great communicator, and I very much looked forward to keeping our conversations going.

The eventual change from friendship to marriage came, in part, because we really enjoyed each other’s company on every level and because we knew how to communicate well with one another. It made sense to us that, if we chose to, we could totally make a more intimate relationship succeed. We sat down like best friends, worked out a plan that would allow us to be together for the long-term, then executed it.

I’ll say honestly that I was more worried about the future than she was. I had been married before, and the pain and uncertainty from that breakup had not faded completely. She reminded me, though, that we had a good friendship, a proven history of happiness, and we had demonstrated that we were willing and able to do what we needed to for a marriage to succeed. I’ll let her tell you if I took a long time to convince, but I came to see the truth of what she was saying eventually.

As our wedding approached, we talked about a statement that we felt really made clear to our guests what we thought about our relationship. It’s written on the special box into which we put special notes, cards and mementos that document and celebrate our marriage. The slogan reads, “We get along so well, we decided to get married.” I think about that statement a lot, because really captures the essence of who we are as a couple. To be sure, we have had our disagreements. We have strained under stress. We have had moments where we drove each other meshuggeneh, but we have always managed to come together and talk it out like best friends. It is that ability that, more than any other thing, has helped us adapt to the challenges we have faced over the last 12 years. It leaves me with the perfect conviction that we could do this forever and really enjoy it.

Our friendship keeps our marriage fresh. Like all best friends, we are motivated to find ways to keep our relationship strong. We look to each other for strength. We find ways to make each other laugh. We defend each other, compliment each other, brag about each other and make each other feel like we are capable of anything--especially when we do it together. We are both proud of the life we have created and, as we lie in bed at the end of the day, we often talk with amazement about how wonderful a ride it has been.

Thank you, Wifeness, for a wonderful ride!

1 comment:

mrschili said...

Congratulations on 12 happy years. I wish you many, many more.

With much love,

-Chili